Am I a stumbling block or a stepping stone? It’s quite something when we address our behaviour – behaviour that is very much within our control, but there is another step. Do I encourage unacceptable behaviour in others? Do I cause others to stumble?
Several years ago I decided that even after changing my behaviour in the area of gossiping, I was still remiss in addressing the issue of others wanting to “share their news” with me. After publicly announcing that I no longer wanted to listen to gossip I asked to be held accountable by friends and family. Easier to say than to do.
I take pride in the fact that people can leave secrets with me and I am not even tempted to share them however I must say that I find it more difficult to stop people from telling me things I shouldn’t be hearing. I’m not only leaving myself open to be tempted but I am actually causing them to stumble by allowing them to continue.
I’d like to be bolder in my assertions and not merely try and politely change the subject; this does not address the issue at hand and may leave one to interpret my change in conversation to be just that.
The truth is that I hate gossip, all gossip, even if it seems harmless and insignificant. I’ve been the subject of it and it always left me thinking that if someone would discuss the small issues of my life without me present, how could I be sure that they weren’t sharing private details. Those are mine to share. What about your opinions of me, how I raise my children, how I live my life, the clothes I wear? Is there a line you won’t cross?
The fact is that when a person expresses their private opinion about another and includes the reasons for it, the listener has already received the first dose of poison. How are they to look at the injured party the same from that point on? And believe me, the party spoken of has been injured.
This is my public notice: I don’t want to hear it, any of it. You can talk until you’re blue in the face about yourself and your own life but if you bring someone else into the conversation and they aren’t there, I will boldly speak up on their behalf, my behalf and yours. They don’t want to be talked about. I don’t want to hear it and you shouldn’t be saying it. Get used to it. I’m not going to hide away because I’m afraid to speak out and tell you how I really feel. The gloves are off – for everyone’s sake.
