Approaching the final year in my forties seems to be having more of an impact on me than I thought it would. Looking back over the last four years, or so, I see that there has been a transformation from ashes to the better side of beauty on the inside yet I am all too aware that this transformation has not taken root as deeply as I had hoped. It appears that there is still an outward, self-centred focus that needs addressing.
A few days ago I happened across a show on the BBC called “Make Me Perfect.” A woman, perhaps in her early to mid-thirties was having multiple and significant surgeries done to change her appearance. I found myself making a mental list of what I might “have done” if money were no object. At the end of the broadcast, for the first time, she was able to look at herself in a full length mirror. The expression on her face was one of shock. Her transformation was so radical that she didn’t recognize herself – although she was pleased with the outcome. A psychologist had been working with her throughout the process due to her extremely low self-esteem. She revealed that while her self-worth remained a struggle, her outward appearance had given her a jump start to begin working on her issues.
Her final reaction and comments stuck with me for some time. She was truly a completely different looking person; even her own daughter was taken aback. I began to wonder: had she received an internal transformation first, would she have had to subject herself to all this work afterward?
I’m ashamed to admit that there are times when my outward appearance seems to take a front seat to who I am inside. I can’t help but notice that my face and body look about 25 years older than how I feel inside. I know my focus is wrong. I know I’m being caught up in things that are very important from a worldly perspective yet ...
While I don’t believe there is anything wrong in trying to look one’s best, this is not where I want my focus to be. When I concentrate on the transformation that has taken place inside me, I remain unrecognizable. That is significant in and of itself, more than I can begin to understand.
Acquaintances and friends have noticed this inward change not just in my behaviour and thought process but I have, several times, heard some say that I have a “glow” about me. No doubt, that is the glory of Christ. As the struggle between aging and aspiring to worldly perfection continues, I also know that it will fade. With every new wrinkle and gray hair comes a new level of understanding and knowledge. I welcome the day that I care much less about the outside than inside and await the day when I see, for myself, what true Perfection is and what it looks like.
