I grew up in a confused generation. I was born in the last official year of “baby boomers” and hit my teens just after the “peace and love” era. I was too young to understand what “burning bras” really meant but old enough to wear “hot pants”. Stay at home moms were slowly a dying breed and equal pay for equal work were at the forefront of my early 20’s. The battle of the sexes was becoming a war. Phrases like “passive” “aggressive” and “assertive” were the psychology of the day when I hit my late 20’s – early 30’s.
The first decade and a half of my life, most women were passive; men were aggressive. The second and third, most of the women that were involved in my life had made a 180 degree turn and most of the men became “sensitive”. I didn’t know who to be or how to become whatever it was I was supposed to be. Did I mention that I grew up in a confused generation? At some point, it became apparent that there was a healthier place to be. I didn’t have to lie down and let someone kick me in the head, nor did I have to kick someone else in the head to make myself feel better. I learned the art of assertiveness – affirming, declaring and taking responsibility for my actions and behaviour and not feeling as if I had to apologize for what I believed or how I felt about things or to offer excuses to satisfy someone’s curiousity. Being assertive was just good common sense.
A few days ago, someone told me I was rude. I was asked a question and gave a polite answer but did not go into any detail. That didn’t seem to sit too well with the asker; I noticed this person starting to steep. I asked if everything was alright. Apparently, I had been expected to provide details concerning my answer – or at least a plausible excuse. When stating that I didn’t find it necessary the retort was, “My bad!” Just in case you don’t know the urban definition, “my bad” is a facetious apology.
I left it at that. It appears that, over time, being assertive has become a synonym for being rude. I must have missed the boat on that one. I guess when I hit my forties, I stopped keeping up with the latest trends. Have being straightforward and honest gone out of style? Is a spoonful of sugar necessary again? It seems that I’ve fallen behind the times. My bad!
