H.A.L.T. is an acronym I learned in rehab. It stands for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired.” People in recovery are often taught that these four roots are the major causes of relapse. It’s been my experience that these roots are not limited to causing problems for people in recovery.
My biggest cause for concern was always anger. Growing up we were permitted to display only one emotion: happiness. Our happiness was to be demonstrated and not heard. As a result of formidable instruction in this area, the recognition and identification of other emotions became quite difficult.
If I saw someone smile at me, I could relax. A loud voice, I’m not talking about yelling, could induce visceral feelings of fear in me – that’s about as far as I could discern. The fear was: what’s coming next?
My mission in life became pleasing people, “making” them happy – because happy was something I could identify and feel safe with. Not long after rehab, with no more chemicals to numb and subdue my emotions, I began to have these strange and perplexing emotions. One in particular can be described this way: increased respiratory function; increase in blood pressure, tightness across chest, nausea accompanied with bodily tremors – particularly in the gastro-intestinal area. My doctor diagnosed this as ‘anger’. Wow! That’s pretty powerful. How do you get rid of it? “Report, respond, release, reconcile where possible.” Hmm. Sounds complicated and difficult.
After rehab, it didn’t take me long to realize that there was a lot of ‘stuff’ that gave birth to anger inside me. I did not like the physical or emotional symptoms. Quite frankly, it took me almost ten years of sobriety before I got a handle on this beast – and honestly – it had nothing to do with sobriety. I was able to let go of anger, as it came up, when I surrendered my life to Jesus.
Ephesians 4: 26-27 says this: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” That really struck me as odd that Paul would write, “be angry.” What he was conveying was God’s message: go ahead and feel, but feel without sinning. Deal with it immediately. Don’t go to bed stewing. Don’t lose sleep because of it. Don’t wake up with it. The enemy is waiting and watching to see whether if you’re going to walk in love, or if he can induce you to sin.
If anyone ever had a reason to be angry it was Jesus. From the cross He gazed upon all those whose ignorance put Him there. Yes, it was His choice to accept it but He did it out of love. Jesus asked His Father to forgive them.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32.
