Unveiling Hope

There's Always More

Last night it rained. I sat outside to enjoy it. I love the rain. I love the smell of the air and the sound of the rain rushing against whatever is in its path. I love to feel the cool water on my toes. As I sat on the step with my bare feet stuck out I thought “is this not God?” He alone is able to touch every sense He created in me with something as simple as rain. But with God, there is always more. It’s never enough for Him to merely touch our minds and senses. God wants to touch our hearts and souls at the same time.

As I enjoyed the freshness of the rain against my skin, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and thank Him. I thank Him for answered prayers and I thank Him for awesome love and blessings. When I opened my eyes, I saw a flitter of light, then two, then more. There they were – fireflies, or lightening bugs as some call them. They were magnificent to watch. I just knew in my heart that it was His way of telling me – there’s always more with Him.

Fireflies and rainstorms are the “more” to me – I appreciate His attention to the details that keep me in wonder. I’m in awe of His creation – all of it – from the complexity of the human brain to the simplicity of a firefly everything was made by Him – there is nothing that exists that He did not create. But just when you think you could not possibly be more moved, there’s always more.

“Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?” Job 38:33.

I . . . Care

Passive-aggressive is a term that described me well back in the day . . . that day seems like only yesterday and there’s a good reason for that.

The other day someone was talking to me about their past. He said, “I sure am glad I’m not who I used to be, aren’t you?” Are you kidding me? There’s no doubt that I’m glad I am not who I used to be, but here’s where yesterday fits into the equation.

People who hurt much often let offenses stew inside until it bubbles up into anger. While they stew, others can only see a fraction of who they are and how they really feel . . . until one day . . . the zingers begin to be displayed as passive-aggressive behaviour. Once that lid comes off the pot people are best to take cover.

While I was undergoing rehabilitation for drug and alcohol abuse, I learned to recognize what that lid was; my aggressive behaviour always began with the words, “I don’t care.” Once those words left my tongue every following word was venomous. Yesterday, I realized that there’s still a bit of healing left for God to work in me. While my passive-aggressive behaviour has much improved, and I rarely speak those words, there are times that I think them – yesterday was one of those days.

Usually, when a hurt/angry person says they don’t care, they do care. Lashing out is not an excuse for that kind of behaviour. I always knew what I was doing; I simply never really understood why I was doing it or how to stop. People don’t enjoy being hurt. People don’t really enjoy hurting others. I’ve never heard of anyone who enjoys being angry.

If I say, “I don’t care,” what I really mean is, “I . . . do . . . care; please don’t give up on me; please don’t abandon me; please help me stop hurting you and myself. I need to be loved.”

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! Rom. 7:21-25 NIV.

Let Him Go - Free Galid Shalit

Giving Up - It's Not an Option

When things get difficult – like learning a new job, or language, I can make myself physically ill. Then, the mental battle begins … give up … no, don’t give up. I question my motives for having begun whatever I’ve undertaken. I get easily frustrated.

I’ve been taking Hebrew lessons since March. I don’t know why … it’s just something I really want to do. I don’t think I breathe much during my lessons, which explains the headache after the classes. During a lesson – as long as I’m not called upon – I’m getting it. It’s being rooted. It’s all good. But … by the next day whatever I’ve learned has leaked out of my head … as if it was never there. I could give up. It would certainly free up much of my time. It’s surely the easiest road to choose, but then I won’t be able to speak, read, or write Hebrew. My longing will remain unfulfilled.

If I give up on learning Hebrew what will be next? How would giving up – losing hope – help me in the pursuit of my dreams and desires? Giving up – it’s not an option - no matter how many times I mull it over.

Abraham followed blindly and became a father of many nations. Moses wandered willingly and saw the Promised Land. Ruth remained committed and was abundantly blessed with a new faith, a husband, and a child; and David waited patiently to be crowned. When you put things into perspective hope lives on. Giving up – it’s not an option.

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7.

Are You Renting Out Space in Your Head?

I don’t like purses much. Mine is pretty small and as neat and tidy as I keep it, I can never find anything. I can’t carry a bigger purse for two reasons: 1) I’m only 5' 2” tall, so a big handbag will only make me look shorter; 2) if I have more space, I’ll probably cram more stuff in there and it will just force me to look twice as long and hard for whatever I need. And now for my super smooth segue … don’t ask me how my mind works … I can’t even find my wallet half the time!

I’m a thinker. I’m glad people can’t see inside my brain because it would probably look like one of those heavy, oversized handbags that put dents in women’s shoulders. There are times when there is so much clutter in my head I can’t think straight. Some people think I’m a “black or white” kind of girl, but there’s black, white, and about 40 shades of gray inside my matter.

I’m not a person who can simply shut things off by shear desire. The harder I work at ridding myself of those useless and fruitless thoughts the worse things get. It’s as if my brain is a condominium and I rent out space in my head. To be honest … it often seems that I’m not always very discreet about to whom I rent said space … he’s the joy killer and the peace stealer - public enemy number one.

There is only one sure fire solution; it works every time (so you’d think I’d just do it all the time). I’m sure if I spent more time with my nose in God’s Word there would be no space to rent. My thoughts would be where they should be. I would be focussed. I would be peaceful – always – and in all circumstances. God is a god of order not disorder.

Mark my words, the enemy knows where I am most vulnerable. He simply starts with a thought. He’s that guy. He’s the tenant from hell. But I am the one who consistently fails to really do what I need to do. I have to stop opening the door, and on those occasions when it’s too late – I need to turn to God, the One who is waiting, with His outstretched mighty hand, for me to give Him step aside and let Him serve an eviction notice.

“fear not, for I am with you;be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 ESV.

HALT!

H.A.L.T. is an acronym I learned in rehab. It stands for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired.” People in recovery are often taught that these four roots are the major causes of relapse. It’s been my experience that these roots are not limited to causing problems for people in recovery.

My biggest cause for concern was always anger. Growing up we were permitted to display only one emotion: happiness. Our happiness was to be demonstrated and not heard. As a result of formidable instruction in this area, the recognition and identification of other emotions became quite difficult.

If I saw someone smile at me, I could relax. A loud voice, I’m not talking about yelling, could induce visceral feelings of fear in me – that’s about as far as I could discern. The fear was: what’s coming next?

My mission in life became pleasing people, “making” them happy – because happy was something I could identify and feel safe with. Not long after rehab, with no more chemicals to numb and subdue my emotions, I began to have these strange and perplexing emotions. One in particular can be described this way: increased respiratory function; increase in blood pressure, tightness across chest, nausea accompanied with bodily tremors – particularly in the gastro-intestinal area. My doctor diagnosed this as ‘anger’. Wow! That’s pretty powerful. How do you get rid of it? “Report, respond, release, reconcile where possible.” Hmm. Sounds complicated and difficult.

After rehab, it didn’t take me long to realize that there was a lot of ‘stuff’ that gave birth to anger inside me. I did not like the physical or emotional symptoms. Quite frankly, it took me almost ten years of sobriety before I got a handle on this beast – and honestly – it had nothing to do with sobriety. I was able to let go of anger, as it came up, when I surrendered my life to Jesus.

Ephesians 4: 26-27 says this: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” That really struck me as odd that Paul would write, “be angry.” What he was conveying was God’s message: go ahead and feel, but feel without sinning. Deal with it immediately. Don’t go to bed stewing. Don’t lose sleep because of it. Don’t wake up with it. The enemy is waiting and watching to see whether if you’re going to walk in love, or if he can induce you to sin.

If anyone ever had a reason to be angry it was Jesus. From the cross He gazed upon all those whose ignorance put Him there. Yes, it was His choice to accept it but He did it out of love. Jesus asked His Father to forgive them. 

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32.

All Day Long

How do we become impatient? Is it something we learn, or does it come naturally? Why are some people so easy going and others not? Can we change?

When I was a young newlywed, before ATM’s were invented, people received paycheques made of paper. They had to stand in line at the bank to take care of business. Living in a city of primarily government workers meant that every second Friday those line-ups were … well … imagine a day of free coffee at St. Arbucks … yup … those were the good ole days.

On one of these fine Friday evenings my husband was waiting in the comfort of the car listening to the radio while I stood in a line that serpentined from the foyer to the counter. About 20 minutes into my wait the sound of a blaring horn caught the attention of all the customers. The driver kept honking and honking until, his impatience got to the better of him, and he simply left his hand on the horn. I was married to that driver. He was yelling and gesturing at me from inside the car. What could I do but turn red and hope no one would see me get in the car with him some 45 minutes later.

Some friends and I were talking about waiting on God – waiting to hear from Him concerning various issues. None of us doubted, for a moment, that He would answer, the question was: when? That Friday evening of decades gone by popped into my head and I started to laugh.

I wonder if, in all my impatience, I ever look like that driver to God. I wonder if He ever questions why I can wait in line at Starbucks for a latte I can never finish, and don’t really need, but I can’t seem to wait on Him. I can be like a screaming child who’s missed a feeding – answer me, answer me now! All the while – I know – I KNOW – that He answers. He answers and provides in His perfect timing and sometimes that means I need to wait. That should be enough, shouldn’t it? Honk, honk.

“Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” A Psalm of David 25:4-5 ESV.

Location Location Location

Our city is exploding! Land that only ten years ago were fields and forests is now a booming housing industry. Beautiful homes have been built – always bigger and better with windows on every side and level. There’s no need to wait for the trees to grow and and the wonders of nature to be enjoyed - much of the natural wooded areas have been preserved. I can’t help but drive by and notice and yes …. of course … from time to time I picture myself living in one of them. Twenty-five years ago, the neighbourhood I live in today was no different from the new suburbs being constructed today. Many people love the convenience of living in the city, but who doesn’t love that country feel in your own backyard? The real estate business says it well when they say the number one selling feature of any home is: location, location, location.

I’m quite content where I am in the natural and I’m content where I am spiritually, but there are times where I can picture in my minds eye spiritually living in a new location – at a new level. My relationship with my Saviour is wonderful, but I’m always longing for more. I know that this is a want that He is only too pleased for me to desire. On the other hand however, I know that at every minute I am exactly where I should be spiritually; I also know that He loves me too much to leave me here. If you’re feeling like you too are ready for a move, wait, listen, and obey. He already has a new place in mind for you.

“If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us.” Numbers 14:8.

Tell Me Something Good

Perhaps I’ve become overly sensitive since reaching the BIG 50! Maybe I always was and only recently have been awakened to the fact that I’m sensitive.

I have a message to share to all the wonderful people who feel it’s imperative to point out others physical faults and/or blemishes. I’m sure you mean well because I can’t imagine that you would deliberately set your mind to knock down or hurt another human being.

I have to ask … is it really necessary to tell someone, or everyone, that they have a blemish on their face, or that their eyes look puffy, or that they have a crooked tooth? Is it important to tell someone that you’ve noticed they’ve gained a bit of weight, or . . . whatever!? Is this information news-worthy? Has anyone ever been shocked to hear they’ve gained weight or have a pimple smack-dab between their eyes? How do you feel now that you’ve got that off your chest? Excuse me while I run after my friend who is now in tears . . . or my child whose confidence is beaten down.

How important is it to share this information? How do these observations help a person grow? How does this information encourage and edify? How will this help that person in any way?

Personally speaking, if my character is need of adjusting, point it out with grace before truth. If my heart isn’t in the right place, show me where it should be with grace before truth. If I’ve said something out of line, correct me with grace before truth. Tell me something good, but please - it’s really not necessary to point out, or overstate the obvious. People are all too aware already of our physical shortcomings and “blemishes”. I see myself in the mirror every single morning, and truth be told – I do my very best to hide from you what you so diligently point out to me and particularly to those whom I love.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phil. 4:8.

I Know

I know you’ve been weeping, and calling out, wondering if I hear you, wondering if I’ve ever heard you. I know.

I know you’re hurting. I know you’re feeling battle fatigued – weary – alone. I know you have many questions that haven’t been answered to your satisfaction. 

I count the times you’ve cried out to me, “I can’t handle this anymore.” I know you can – with me. I know what your made of – I created you. 

There is something you should know – something you should know and believe – six little words filled with truth, hope and promise:'

I am. I hear. I answer. 

“You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you,” Jer. 29:12 NIV.