I've always been performance based; it's all I've really ever understood. Doing my best and aiming at always trying to outdo myself has helped me achieve a lot, but nothing that's ever been of any real value to me or those I love; in fact, sometimes my performance has been costly to me and to those I love. Rather than make me a better person, being performance based has really only served to make me a little crazy and difficult to please. If you really think about it, which I suppose in hind sight I never really have until recently, how can a person do their best and then outdo themselves? Is this possible? Why would anyone even try?
About 16 weeks ago I began preparing to participate in The Army Run, (a 5k). The first time I ran, I think I managed to get about 2 blocks away from my house before almost collapsing. As the days and weeks passed, I found myself noticing trees and flowers, smelling the bloom of nature and appreciating this time alone. I began speaking to God and I have to say, I learned to do some of my best listening during these little jaunts. About a month ago, I had finally made it to a little over 4k. I was really pushing myself and had come to realize that I had begun running for one reason and over time it just became a great way to spend time alone with Him and focus on nothing but Him; a secondary benefit to me was that I was getting in shape while all this was happening. But on this one day in particular, I kept praying, "Oh, Lord, just let me finish this last leg. I don't need to win the prize but I need to finish. Help me, Lord." I clearly heard Him answer: "You build up your physical stamina and I'll build up your spiritual stamina."
I was reading the book of Nehemiah this morning before going out for my last run before the official run on Sunday morning. The builders Nehemiah had recruited to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem ran out of steam because they were in performance mode. Nehemiah got them all pumped up to rebuild the wall and then, when things began to go off course, the didn't know what to do and became fearful. Rather than pray or encourage one another, they gave up and stopped.
What they had begun doing, in rebuilding the wall, was honouring God, but it wasn't the "what" that was honouring Him - it was the "why". I think this summer-long lesson of mine has finally been learned. Many of us often try and "do" our best rather than "be" our best. When we consume ourselves with turning toward Him, to seek Him with all of our hearts, and to do as He commanded, we learn to BE the best we can be - what we DO becomes our best naturally because His favour falls upon us as it did when Nehemiah and his brothers turned toward Him. They approached Him with their hearts and He upheld and blessed what they doing.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." 1 Cor. 9:24-25.
