Unveiling Hope

Being or Doing

I've always been performance based; it's all I've really ever understood. Doing my best and aiming at always trying to outdo myself has helped me achieve a lot, but nothing that's ever been of any real value to me or those I love; in fact, sometimes my performance has been costly to me and to those I love. Rather than make me a better person, being performance based has really only served to make me a little crazy and difficult to please. If you really think about it, which I suppose in hind sight I never really have until recently, how can a person do their best and then outdo themselves? Is this possible? Why would anyone even try? 

About 16 weeks ago I began preparing to participate in The Army Run, (a 5k). The first time I ran, I think I managed to get about 2 blocks away from my house before almost collapsing. As the days and weeks passed, I found myself noticing trees and flowers, smelling the bloom of nature and appreciating this time alone. I began speaking to God and I have to say, I learned to do some of my best listening during these little jaunts. About a month ago, I had finally made it to a little over 4k. I was really pushing myself and had come to realize that I had begun running for one reason and over time it just became a great way to spend time alone with Him and focus on nothing but Him; a secondary benefit to me was that I was getting in shape while all this was happening. But on this one day in particular, I kept praying, "Oh, Lord, just let me finish this last leg. I don't need to win the prize but I need to finish. Help me, Lord." I clearly heard Him answer: "You build up your physical stamina and I'll build up your spiritual stamina." 

I was reading the book of Nehemiah this morning before going out for my last run before the official run on Sunday morning. The builders Nehemiah had recruited to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem ran out of steam because they were in performance mode. Nehemiah got them all pumped up to rebuild the wall and then, when things began to go off course, the didn't know what to do and became fearful. Rather than pray or encourage one another, they gave up and stopped. 

What they had begun doing, in rebuilding the wall, was honouring God, but it wasn't the "what" that was honouring Him - it was the "why". I think this summer-long lesson of mine has finally been learned. Many of us often try and "do" our best rather than "be" our best. When we consume ourselves with turning toward Him, to seek Him with all of our hearts, and to do as He commanded, we learn to BE the best we can be - what we DO becomes our best naturally because His favour falls upon us as it did when Nehemiah and his brothers turned toward Him. They approached Him with their hearts and He upheld and blessed what they doing. 

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." 1 Cor. 9:24-25.

 

The Master Gardener

There’s a beautiful tree that has provided me with an incredible amount of pleasure over the last few years. It stands outside my home office window. My desk is directly beneath that window. 

This tree has withstood the trauma of recent 100 km/hr winds; it has beared up under the burden of incredible amounts of snow gathered in its boughs, has been home to various little creatures and has brought me much inspiration over the years.

This morning while sitting at my desk, I heard what sounded like a chain saw. I stood up and looked out my window to see a gardener with a truckload of equipment; his gaze was firmly cast upon this tree. Poor tree had no clue what was coming.

A professional horticulturalist doesn't hack away at a tree or plant just anywhere and he doesn't do it simply for esthetic reasons. Pruning is required to trim away deadwood, remove disease and tissues that inhibit healthy growth, and to control and direct growth by giving it shape. 

Pruning is something that is part of life whether it is done by a gardener, by nature and the elements or by God Himself . It is, generally speaking, not a pleasant experience and the immediate after effects can leave the prunee looking and feeling rather stripped down and exposed.

The last few weeks have left me feeling rather stripped and exposed. Sometimes we go through life and stuff just starts to attach itself to us - once it does, the potential for growth is there. Everyone knows that a rotten tree doesn’t grow good fruit and who wants or needs rotten fruit? This time of pruning hasn’t been easy. I’ve been completely present and awake for this spiritual surgery. The things revealed to me haven’t been a complete surprise - let’s face it, when there’s a huge bump protruding from your noggin - you know it and the same goes for spiritual bumps. And so it seems that, at least for now, like my beloved tree, the Master Gardener has finished pruning me for this season. And again, like my tree, I am feeling somewhat worse for the wear. The wonderful thing is that I know in a few weeks or months from now, like that tree, I will be stronger than ever and more fruitful ... and isn’t that the whole point?

 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” John 1:1-4.

 

Still Under Warranty

My car is two years old. In the past 7 months, I’ve returned to the dealership three times because every time I go over a speed bump or turn left I hear this crunching noise. It’s the same old story. “We fixed it.”

I thought “fixed” meant “forget about it, this won’t be an issue any longer.” Alas, how wrong was my thinking? Aside from the inconvenience however, I feel rather fortunate. My car is still under warranty.

Things appear to be not much different in my spiritual life. Just when I think God has dealt with an issue in my life – it pops up again and again, just on another, deeper level. “Is she actually comparing God’s work to an auto service shop?” you may be asking yourself. Well, yes, kind of.

Until recently, I thought that when God “fixed” something in me that it was permanent. Don’t distress if you’re going through the same thing or having similar thoughts. What God has fixed – the change He’s made in me – is permanent . . . to the extent, or level, that He addressed the problem.

I drive a 2007 Aveo. Every year, they come out with a newer and better model; they see what “issues” have been coming up with the previous years models and address those issues, but guess what? That doesn’t mean they’ll ever produce a perfect model.

God prioritizes what needs attention first. Sometimes, He needs me back in the shop – I’m an older model, you know. He started by fixing one thing, like putting the brakes on some of my bad habits and attitudes. Some of those things ran pretty deep. He knew I wasn’t ready for an overhaul. He knows what’s best and His timing is perfect. As far as He’s concerned, I’m permanently under warranty.

"This is the way God works. Over and over again He pulls our souls back from certain destruction so we'll see the light—and live in the light!” Job 33:29 MSG.

Not Guilty!

I wonder if, on the day she and her husband were banned from the Garden, Eve blamed herself for the whole mess. I wonder: did she walk around with guilt for the rest of her days? Did she labour in the weeds and soil, beneath the hot sun, thinking “I bet Adam is still blaming me for this!” When Cain and Abel were young boys, did she tell them about that day, or did she bury the memory away with her hopes and dreams? Did she long to tell them about the long walks she and Adam used to take with God in the cool of the evening?

And, what about Adam? He, at first, blamed Eve, but I wonder if he ever took his share of responsibility or if he harboured resentment toward her. Well, they did have children so they must have eventually made up … or pretended to. I wonder though, did Adam would have spent his days feeling guilty, feeling as if he had ruined his life and the lives of Eve and his children? Did he ever think to himself, “Why didn’t I do the right thing!?”?

Did either of them, as parents, ever feel responsible for their poor choices; did they ever pause to reflect upon the kind of lives their children could have lived, if they hadn’t been banished? And, if they did – did they dwell on it? Did they lived under the indictment of guilt? More pertinent perhaps is the question: why would any one of us live under the yoke of our past poor choices?

I’ve done it; I do it. I try not to. It seems that sometimes it’s just more powerful than I. I allow it. I know that the Good News is: I don’t have to live in guilt or shame because of sin anymore – perhaps the serpent that speaks to me has convinced me that the price for my sin will never be paid.

The truth is: God did not banish them because He no longer loved them, it is for that reason He spared them. He gave them life – albeit not an easy life - but I don’t think He ever expected, nor wanted, them to re-live or live in the past. As a loving Parent, God allowed them to suffer the consequences of their actions. Adam and Eve learned their parenting skills from Him. They allowed Cain to make his own decisions. He was raised in the same household as Abel. It all came down to three things in the end: 1) the children were raised with love; 2) the children were permitted to make their own decisions; 3) Adam and Eve (as far as we know) made no attempts to avert the consequences of Cain’s decisions.

The fact is: my sin has already been paid for – in full. I have been found NOT GUILTY. Now all I have to do is to live in that verdict and allow my children to do the same.

“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Col. 1:13-14.

Damaged Goods?!

I had to return an electronic device the other day. The salesperson was unable to determine what the problem was. I had explained to him that I’m not technically inclined and that perhaps the problem was with me. “Damaged goods” he said. My eyes opened widely, my heart began to pound in my chest. For a brief moment, those words – while I knew were not intended to describe me – chilled me to my very core.

The drive home was quiet – no radio – just my thoughts. Those few moments in the store took me back to a time, less than six years ago, when I exchange my “life” for the Life of Christ who came to live in me. You see, before that exchange was made – my life for His – I had always thought of myself as damaged goods. In those first months after surrendering my heart to Him, I struggled with one recurring thought: why would He want me? I am damaged goods. I won’t try and pull the wool over your eyes, there are still times – however infrequent - when the enemy still tries to convince me that I was born damaged, I am damaged, and I will always be damaged. What does he know?!

God’s Truth tells me that I am not my circumstances – past, present, or future. My past sin does not define me; my future sin will not define me, nor do the sins committed against me define me. I am who I AM says I am.

God knew me before I was conceived. He knew everything I would do, think, say, feel … He knew that I would make many poor choices before choosing Him; He knew that there would be others who would make poor choices on my behalf. He knew my fears, my habits, my secrets. He knew I would reject Him. He knew I would reject those He loves. He knew that I would choose to please others before Him. BUT, He never focussed on anything other than His love for me. He loved me – He loves me - with an everlasting love. He let nothing stand in the way of His plans for me. His love and His promises are for all who choose Him regardless of the who, where, when, what, why and how.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart,” Jeremiah 1:5(a).

Going Through the Motions

Oops! I did it again! There are some things that people do in life so repetitiously that it just becomes second nature, a habit, a routine. There are meals I make for my children that I’ve made so many times I no longer need the recipe. I take the same route to work every day without fail. It has become so routine that I could not begin to tell you which exits or landmarks I pass; I no longer notice them. I’m not complaining – there’s something about my personality that rather enjoys routine – but there are some times, some places, and in some relationships where I have come to appreciate the unexpected . . . and I expect the unexpected . . . as long as it doesn’t upset my schedule.

In my zeal for God, and my desire for an ever deepening intimacy with Him, I seem to have developed a routine. I have a set time for devotionals, studying His Word, and praying. Last week however, I began to wonder if it seemed to Him as if I was just going through the motions – so, I shook things up a bit. OY! What point is there in trying to change something that needs no change?

As I re-arrange my schedule to it’s former way, I can say with confidence that if a person’s “routine” involves heart rather than going through the motions God says, “It’s all good”. I am the way I am which is not to say that the unexpected cannot, or will not, occur during, or outside my schedule. My heart is always open and my spirit always ready to receive. He knows me and that is what’s important.

And while I do enjoy routine in various aspects of my life, my relationship with God – whether in His Temple, within the community, or in my home – is the most important part of my life. In every place, in every situation or circumstance the unexpected is not limited to my schedule; He is so much bigger than that. How things look to me, or others, is not part of the equation.

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7.

I . . . Care

Passive-aggressive is a term that described me well back in the day . . . that day seems like only yesterday and there’s a good reason for that.

The other day someone was talking to me about their past. He said, “I sure am glad I’m not who I used to be, aren’t you?” Are you kidding me? There’s no doubt that I’m glad I am not who I used to be, but here’s where yesterday fits into the equation.

People who hurt much often let offenses stew inside until it bubbles up into anger. While they stew, others can only see a fraction of who they are and how they really feel . . . until one day . . . the zingers begin to be displayed as passive-aggressive behaviour. Once that lid comes off the pot people are best to take cover.

While I was undergoing rehabilitation for drug and alcohol abuse, I learned to recognize what that lid was; my aggressive behaviour always began with the words, “I don’t care.” Once those words left my tongue every following word was venomous. Yesterday, I realized that there’s still a bit of healing left for God to work in me. While my passive-aggressive behaviour has much improved, and I rarely speak those words, there are times that I think them – yesterday was one of those days.

Usually, when a hurt/angry person says they don’t care, they do care. Lashing out is not an excuse for that kind of behaviour. I always knew what I was doing; I simply never really understood why I was doing it or how to stop. People don’t enjoy being hurt. People don’t really enjoy hurting others. I’ve never heard of anyone who enjoys being angry.

If I say, “I don’t care,” what I really mean is, “I . . . do . . . care; please don’t give up on me; please don’t abandon me; please help me stop hurting you and myself. I need to be loved.”

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! Rom. 7:21-25 NIV.

Do Not Despise New Beginnings

Winter is officially over in the Canada’s capital city. The remnants of winter are scarce; the occasional dirt and soot covered snow banks are sparsely scattered about the landscape among the budding trees and the tulips beginning to push their way through the earth. Welcome are the short rains that wash away the remainder of what is now past as they  prepare the way for new beginnings.

New beginnings can be a frightening thing to people. I know they are to me. I’m incredibly  adaptable for someone who doesn’t exactly welcome change. God has been changing me since I returned from Israel in December. He’s been pruning me – removing various things in my life that, in the past, were not only a great source of joy for me, but also a way in which I could serve and worship Him.

I’ve had to adapt to changes in situations before however they were usually bitter circumstances in which the terrifying and unknown prospects of the future could only be for the positive. When God gives you something wonderful like a friend, a particular gifting or ability, or He places you in service to a ministry or profession you enjoy, and then decides to let you know that it was only for a season – well – let’s just say that it can be difficult to let go with a healthy attitude.

Dr. Barry Boucher  often remarks, “if God gives you something you better not hold on to it too tightly.” He’s absolutely right. Serving God with all my heart means that whatever new beginning He has in store for me I had better acknowledge that it’s my love and worship of Him, and not necessarily what I have or what I’m doing, that is paramount.

“Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them,"  Isaiah 42:9.