Unveiling Hope

Released in Captivity

There’s a bible story in the book of Genesis that tells of Joseph being falsely accused of rape by his employer’s wife. Joseph was a young Jewish man working for an Egyptian and in charge of his master’s household. He was a slave and therefore received no trial. He was sentenced to a lifetime of imprisonment.

Unfair things happen to in life. We may be falsely accused. We may be mistreated. We may be, in a manner of speaking, tried and sentenced without defense. In the book of Matthew, Jesus has something to say about how we should behave in these types of scenarios:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:43-45 NIV

Joseph didn’t spend his time in his cell pining away for what might have been or seething in anger at the injustice that had been perpetrated against him. He made the very best of a bad situation and he looked toward the Light. Rather than dreaming about what he would do or say should he ever encounter his accuser again, he likely prayed that God would be merciful to her on her day in court.

Persecution is the perfect scenario for learning how to love one’s enemy and until we get better at it, we’re going to keep finding ourselves in similar unfair situations. When we are faithful to God, He remains faithful to us. Although Joseph spent time physically incarcerated his attitude toward his enemy gave him spiritual freedom that few can comprehend; he was released in captivity from the chains of unforgiveness and bitterness.

Joseph was released after two years. He was promoted second only to Pharaoh himself which made him Mr. Potiphar’s boss. Imagine the conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Potiphar: “Do you remember that young Hebrew you accused a couple of years ago? I sure hope you were telling the truth, because he’s my boss now and he’s invited us to the palace for supper.”

Love is the best defense. God is just and His timing is perfect.

Anger Steams - Forgiveness Seams

The definition of “trust” is to have complete confidence, or faith, in someone – complete confidence. Betrayal is deception that causes someone to believe an untruth. White lies, omissions – let’s face it – a lie is a lie regardless of its colour or costume.

I’ve heard tell that trust is something that must be earned; I don’t think that’s always the case and, for me to put that in writing, is astounding. Trusting, like loving and giving, is a choice. I have always thought of myself as an individual who has great difficulty trusting people.

In thoughtful retrospect, I’ve come to realize that I’ve never had trouble trusting people from the onset. My apprehension and anxiety comes from learning, or trying, to trust someone after they’ve betrayed me. The greatest challenge comes in those relationships where my heart has made a significant investment. Trust is broken and from the initial betrayal anger steams. The root of that anger however is always pain and, greater yet, the fear that it will recur. Fear is a root that flourishes whenever it’s planted.

Jesus said that if someone sins against us, that includes betrayal, we are to forgive seventy times seven – or in other words – always and completely. This is where I need His help. As a follower of Christ I often get confused between restoration and reconciliation; they don’t necessarily go hand in hand, but when the one who has betrayed you is someone you love deeply whom you know, in your heart, did not intend to hurt you that presents a true challenge. This too I have given much thought.

The solution is clear once the steam blows away. Putting complete confidence, or faith, in another human being is placing a responsibility on one’s shoulders that they were never meant to bear. An expectation that no one will ever breach your trust makes no sense whatsoever – it’s inhumane to expect perfection from the imperfect. It’s a sin against God to place our complete faith in anyone but Him. And so, I bear some responsibility in my own sorrow.

Anger steams - forgiveness seams.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” Ephesians 4:31-32.

Some People Stink

The other day a beautiful young woman confided "Love sucks.” My heart almost broke for her. Her statement resonated deeply inside my heart, my close-to-being-healed heart. What can hurt more than to see such a young person say something like that with such conviction? I believe, with everything in me, that she honestly believed what she was saying. I remember – not all that long ago – holding close that exact sentiment.

What makes us like that? I never wanted to live with such a cynical disposition, but I did. I never wanted to build a fortress around my heart and close myself off from the potential of experiencing love – giving and receiving, but I did. I never wanted to spend countless hours convincing myself that love sucks – that it stinks – but I did; I didn’t feel as if I had a choice. People have been used and abused, hurt and disrespected, cheated on and lied to – some people have experienced it from parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses and even friends and children. Please note: I am in no way advocating anyone remaining in a relationship where they are currently being abused.

It’s what I learned of the love of God that changed my perspective – not overnight – slowly and surely. It’s knowing that no matter who hurts me, or how deeply, He never will and He’ll always be there. I know that He loves perfectly because He is the expression of love – He is love. Because I trust him – that He’ll guide me in relationships, teach me about healthy love and boundaries, and that He’ll be there for me – I’m now willing to risk loving and being loved.

Love doesn’t suck, but some people do things that suck. Love doesn’t stink, but some people just stink at loving others – usually because of how they were loved. We don’t have to walk around the rest of our days on this earth hiding the scabs, bruises and scars that “love” has left on our hearts. God’s love is a healing love, it’s anointed with grace and forgiveness. We cannot accept His love when we harbour unforgiveness for our past hurts nor can we heal when we hang on to the pain and isolate ourselves, presuming that history will always repeat itself. As God’s love grows in us we grow in love.

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath,” Psalm 34:18 MSG.

The New Math

Peter asked Jesus how many times he was expected to forgive – his suggestion was seven. Jesus corrected him with the new math, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven,” Matt. 18:22.

Forgiveness is a choice, just like love is a choice. Neither are easy, but both are necessary to live a fruitful life. Much like reconciling my cheque book, too often I find that just when I thought I’ve completely forgiven someone – there remains yet another layer – another reconciliation needs to be done. Hurt runs deep. It sometimes requires several attempts to get to the bottom line – complete forgiveness.

Again – it’s not easy. The deeper the hurt runs, the more forgiveness is required. It doesn’t always start in a nice place. The first time I realized I was compounded an immense offense against someone I prayed from my heart but through gritted teeth. God understood. It took more than several prayers for God to change my heart, but eventually, I meant what I was praying on every level. Every now and then however, I realize that there is still yet some unforgiveness that remains – a new revelation. I don’t feel guilty. I just apply Christ’s formula – the new math. It’s not always easy to understand, but practice makes perfect.

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive and you will be forgiven,” Luke 6:37.

Licking Wounds

I heard the sound of a cat meowing the other day. As I approached the front door the the sound got louder. In our home we have to spell the word cat because our dog Buddy goes crazy when he hears the word. I opened the front door – and there it was in corpus flagranti -and of course Buddy darted out the door. Buddy is our 85 pound Lab. Off he went chasing after the c-a-t. Running full pin on pavement isn’t the smartest thing for a dog to do. He came back home with a badly damaged and bleeding paw.

Over the next several days Buddy licked that wound, and licked, and licked, and licked. There’s an old wives tale that says dogs lick their wounds because their saliva disinfects their wounds ... if you’ve ever smelled a dog’s breath you know that’s not true. But it makes for a good segue.

I used to be a person who licked and nursed my wounds; if I was hurt or offended, whether, or not, it was done intentionally - I just couldn’t let go. The truth is I didn’t want to let anyone off the proverbial hook. I wore my injuries like battle scars. I’d poke at the bruises to see if they still hurt– that is - until I met Jesus.

For a human being, licking wounds does not hasten the healing it prolongs the pain. God didn’t give us antiseptic tongues and He didn’t mean for us to converge all our attention on ourselves. There is only one treatment for a wounded person and that treatment is forgiveness of the one who inflicted the wound. Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook. Everyone might need a tourniquet for a time but keeping one on indefinitely cuts off the blood supply. Forgiveness is like blood; it is life-giving and it’s life-preserving.

God is not logical. In His dominion in order to live one must die. In order to be strong one must be meek. In order to be forgiven, one must forgive. The more we give out – the more we get. Why would He make it easier on us than on His own flesh and blood?

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed,” Isaiah 53:5.

Great Expectations - or Not

There are several expectations that come with certain jobs. Some professionals and experts are held to a higher standard because of the very nature of their work. People in law enforcement are always expected to conduct their lives, both personal and professional, within the confines of the law. Lawyers are expected to follow a professional ethics represent their client’s best interests regardless of their personal opinions. Judges should be impartial and human rights advocates should not be bigoted. That’s just the way it is and rightly so.

I think that being held to a higher standard is not, and should not, be limited to professionals. Christians should hold themselves up to the Highest Standard. But let’s face it; everyone falls short of the glory of God.

Since the beginning of time I’m sure there has yet to exist a human being who hasn’t been stabbed in the back at least once – figuratively speaking of course. I know that I’ve even been guilty of wielding a knife myself.

Last night I was engaged in a discussion with a group of friends. I poured out my heart to them over a recent incident in which a sister “took a stab” at me. What concerned me more than the fact that I was on the receiving end of this assault was the difficulty I was having in extending the grace of forgiveness. She should have known better.

In our discussion, several of us agreed that it is much more difficult to forgive a brother or sister in the Body of Christ than it is to forgive an unbeliever. The impact of the injury was compared to a family member deliberately hurting another member. It’s just seems much easier to forgive a stranger. Why? You don’t expect the stranger to love you and care for you. Strangers or outsiders don’t know us the way family does.

In law enforcement, I can tell you from experience, that when a brother or sister in uniform turns into a perpetrator it tends to give a bad name to the rest of the family. It’s more difficult to understand and ultimately forgive because of that standard to which they hold themselves ... accountable.

It’s easier to excuse people who don’t know better. Jesus’ last request for the angry mob that crucified him was, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” They didn’t really know Him. They didn’t really understand what they were doing.

Did He forgive those who did know Him? Yes. Peter denied Him. Judas betrayed Him. They knew Him. He loved them. He forgave, but I’m sure the pain seared in just that much deeper. Maybe that’s why the Bible talks so much about how the Body is expected to treat its own members. “Love others as yourself,” We are the Body; we are the “yourself.” How can we love others if we don’t love the “yourself?”

First came the anger, then the hurt, then came the praying for a forgiving heart (admittedly through clenched teeth), then came the forgiveness. It took a while longer because the hurt went deeper.

Do you find it easier to forgive one over the other?

Convicted!

On Saturday evening my son and I were waiting in line at a restaurant take-out. It was jam packed. There was a man, who didn’t look happy about being there, talking to his wife on his cell phone. “But I already placed the order and there’s a long line-up; I’ve already been here for 20 minutes.” He ended the call rather abruptly.

An older gentleman was standing close by, “Need to change your order, do ya?” The other man responded, “Yeah. You know what they say, ‘life is short but marriage is long,’.”

I heard that comment along with several other people. I think I was probably the only one who didn’t find it funny. When leaving the restaurant, my son mentioned that he rather likes overhearing the different conversations people have. Big mistake – I had my own comments to make about that one in particular. My son gave me this confused look and said, “You’re judging him, aren’t you?”

I was charged and convicted before making an appearance in court. My son was right. I had stood in judgement. I was slighted by that man’s. It reminded me of similar comments my former husband used to make. I thought I had forgiven him completely. It was clear that I hadn’t. I had committed a felony offence – two in fact.

I was arraigned on Sunday morning. The charges: one count each of judgment and unforgiveness in the second degree. I plead guilty because I knew I was. I threw myself on the mercy of the Court. I was asked to allocute.

“Your Honour, I admit that I was wrong in judging this man. I admit that I still had unforgiveness in my heart, although I was unaware of it, it is no excuse. As I judged this man, I know that You have every right to hold me accountable and judge me.”

The Judge spoke: “I find the defendant guilty on all counts. However, her sentence has already been served; My Only Son – her Advocate – has already served it. It is this court’s ruling that an absolute discharge be granted.”

I know that I will likely end up in the same Court, before for the same Judge, time and time again. But the fact that my record has been purged means that every time I find myself before His bench, He remembers not my past.

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us,” Psalm 103:11-12.

The Entrapment of Offence

While reading a book about offence, I have to admit that I really believed that I was offence-free however I was open minded about any revelation that I might receive. I read several chapters and really couldn’t put the book down. Try hard as I might though, I honestly couldn’t think of any offence I had, or may have been nurturing.

I decided to try an experiment. I sought to pay very close attention to any sign of temptation to be offended and even closer attention to what I would do with that offence should I take the bait.

Before I completely expose and embarrass myself let me start by explaining how offence occurs. We fall into the temptation of accepting an offence when we have been unjustly hurt by a person or situation, and/or when we perceive a hurt/attack based on assumptions, gossip or our own feelings. If we choose to be offended (whether the harm done to us was actual or perceived) we have taken the bait that lead us to become imprisoned inside walls that build up around us as we go through life. This is a stronghold. Sometimes, we can become so intensely offended that we aren’t even aware that there is a stronghold in our lives.

After having given this some thought, I rated myself at a very low score of “1” on the offence scale. I gave myself this rating because I was sure that there must have been some kind of offence in me that I wasn’t aware of after all – I’m not perfect. Yesterday morning I wasn’t out the door 10 minutes when I picked up my first offence in the car. I do not suffer from road rage. I consider myself to be quite polite on the roads. I let people in and don’t get ticked when they cut me off. I noticed this morning however, even though I don’t yell or flip birds at people, I seemed to have thought that being impatient at someone driving 80 in the fast lane of a 100 max highway was okay. I looked over at them once I was able to pass and realized my heart rate was ever so slightly higher than normal. WOW! I couldn’t believe it – already?? Throughout the day I found myself rolling my eyes into the back of my head on more than one occasion. I did this privately so I figured it didn’t really count. I know it counted. As the day went on, and on, and on I realized that it doesn’t take much to offend me.

If you know me, you’d know that I tend to self-condemn when I realize that there is yet something else not right with me. I didn’t do that this time. I used the opportunity to make a decision on how I would change my behaviour and make some new choices. By the time I got home last night – I was just flying high. I felt so wonderful at having realized how unreasonable and self-centred I was. That’s right was. I’m glad to have been given these revelations. I love a challenge and I love that there is always hope for growth and maturity in my life.

I’ve spent enough time in “prison” surrounded by walls that kept love out and me inside. No more thanks. I want to live and be free and filled with joy. I choose to pass on the bait that operates to ensnare me. So, just for the record – my offense quotient jumped from a 1 to about a 7 within four hours. Truth be known, in retrospect, I was likely already a 5 when I left the house. What’s your offence quotient?

The Key

The key that unlocks the door to unconditional love is forgiveness. There is no future in the past.

What's that Smell?

What’s that smell!? Buddy, did you toot? Is that me? I was recently recounting a story to my new friend Douglas about a revelation I received while sitting in my backyard only days ago, (before it was filled with snow). I thought it appropriate to share.

I was sitting on the stoop and suddenly the memory of an incident that cleaned out my bank account came to mind. A visceral feeling began to consume me. I detest thinking about that incident. It angers me ... almost to no end. I keep trying to put it in the past, where it belongs, but every once in a while – especially when things are going relatively smoothly – it just pops up seemingly out of nowhere.

I’m highly sensitive, meaning my senses are finely tuned, not that I cry a lot. There I was sitting on the step, having this “fond” memory and this foul smell – more like a stench – begins to flood my snout. I look at my dog. “Buddy, did you toot?” He looks at me with this, “Are you talkin’ ta me?” expression. Then, of course, after having attempted to focus the blame elsewhere, I next asked, “Is that me?”

Take Elmer Fudd’s advice before you ask for something! “Be vehwry, vehwry, cehwrful.” That Still Small Voice answered my enquiry. “Yes, it’s you. That’s the stench of your unforgiveness rising up to my nostrils.”

OY! Don’t ask God to reveal any hidden unforgiveness you may have toward someone, or a situation, unless you’re ready and willing to deal with it. I did. He complied. While it’s true that I had forgiven the offender involved, I hadn’t forgiven the offense itself – the situation. When I resent a situation, I am essentially resentful toward God whether I realize it or not. I’m saying, in essence, “You could have found a better way to teach me that lesson.” The truth is, He found a perfect situation to teach me a perfect lesson. I am willing to concede that I am one of those people who has to learn the hard way in order to be able to see the fruit of my education.

It’s bad enough that the stench of my unforgiveness was offensive to me, (and my dog), what’s worse is that it offended my God, whom I profess to love. No more scented candles or sprays to cover up that putrid smell. I gave it up. I learned the lesson it was meant to teach me and the inadvertent lesson learned by hanging on the offense. The air is clear. We can all breathe again.

How’s the air where you are?