Unveiling Hope

The Master Gardener

There’s a beautiful tree that has provided me with an incredible amount of pleasure over the last few years. It stands outside my home office window. My desk is directly beneath that window. 

This tree has withstood the trauma of recent 100 km/hr winds; it has beared up under the burden of incredible amounts of snow gathered in its boughs, has been home to various little creatures and has brought me much inspiration over the years.

This morning while sitting at my desk, I heard what sounded like a chain saw. I stood up and looked out my window to see a gardener with a truckload of equipment; his gaze was firmly cast upon this tree. Poor tree had no clue what was coming.

A professional horticulturalist doesn't hack away at a tree or plant just anywhere and he doesn't do it simply for esthetic reasons. Pruning is required to trim away deadwood, remove disease and tissues that inhibit healthy growth, and to control and direct growth by giving it shape. 

Pruning is something that is part of life whether it is done by a gardener, by nature and the elements or by God Himself . It is, generally speaking, not a pleasant experience and the immediate after effects can leave the prunee looking and feeling rather stripped down and exposed.

The last few weeks have left me feeling rather stripped and exposed. Sometimes we go through life and stuff just starts to attach itself to us - once it does, the potential for growth is there. Everyone knows that a rotten tree doesn’t grow good fruit and who wants or needs rotten fruit? This time of pruning hasn’t been easy. I’ve been completely present and awake for this spiritual surgery. The things revealed to me haven’t been a complete surprise - let’s face it, when there’s a huge bump protruding from your noggin - you know it and the same goes for spiritual bumps. And so it seems that, at least for now, like my beloved tree, the Master Gardener has finished pruning me for this season. And again, like my tree, I am feeling somewhat worse for the wear. The wonderful thing is that I know in a few weeks or months from now, like that tree, I will be stronger than ever and more fruitful ... and isn’t that the whole point?

 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” John 1:1-4.

 

In Transition

I have a friend who likes to mountain climb. She finds it exhilarating. She stands at the bottom and sees nothing but a challenge before her. The fact that it is physically strenuous is just a bonus for her. She says she does her best thinking when she’s climbing. I do my best thinking when I’m walking, on flat ground.

Before I gave my heart to the Lord, the smallest thing in my life could seem like a mountain, or a valley, more like a perpetual series of mountains and valleys; you can just imagine what the crises seemed like. There never seemed to be that nice stretch of in between – you know what I mean – the “I’m neither elated or deflated” feeling. I often longed for that somewhere-in-the-middle kind of life. Seeing something positive in a struggle was neither something I aspired to nor something that ever occurred. I always seemed to be in-transition.

More than once, I’ve heard people say, “God may take you over a mountain, around a mountain, or through the mountain, but whatever He chooses – He’ll be there with you.” Transition is an event – a journey – in which a transformation is meant to occur. We can drag our heels or look at the journey as a quest or challenge and meet it head on. Whatever that journey may be, whether over a mountain or through a valley, the peace of the Lord can be found; it’s there for the taking.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid,” John 14:27.

Serenity Now!

I’m a perpetual student. I have a passion for learning. There’s just one little problem: I want to learn it all in one day. I want to learn and I want the understanding NOW!

I’ve been studying Hebrew since the end of March. I say studying instead of learning because just when I think I’m learning I realize that whatever I learned in my last lesson has somehow managed to leak out of my ears.

Admittedly, I’m a quitter by nature; if I don’t get something right away I usually give up.  BUT . . . what’s is more frustrating than that is that I am more stubborn than I am a quitter. Someone said it was great how I seem to be rising to the challenge. HAH! Do you know me at all! Any success I am having I attribute to the One who is granting me just enough serenity to get to the next lesson. Why just enough? Because it’s all I need.

People often think that once they give their hearts to God everything will be wonderful. All of life's little problems will cease to exist because we’re in relationship with Almighty God. It just doesn’t work that way.

Do I get frustrated? Yes, of course. Do I ask for serenity now? Yes, of course. But when I sit down to a lesson and He sits down beside me it goes so much better. It’s not merely the fact that my level of frustration decreases, it’s the fact that He’s interested because I’m interested. He’s as passionate about me learning Hebrew as I am. Being in a relationship doesn’t change the fact that life is life. Being in relationship simply means that while you’re doing life you’re doing it with Someone who is for you and not against you. I love that He is always there for me no matter what I’m doing. I love that He’s the first one I go to. I love that He loves being the One I go to, time and time again.

So, I get a little frustrated now and then. When all is said and done those are the moments from which I derive the most satisfaction and success. Those are the teaching moments for Him and the learning moments for me.

What's Your Style?

I’m reserved. I’m conservative. I’m shy. I’m introverted. I’m a loner and I like it. Yes I do; I said I like it!

I saw a bunch of people having fun the other day. I mean – they were having fun! They were holding nothing back. There was nothing tentative about what they were doing. Some of them were dancing, some singing, some were laughing, and some were lifting their hands, but they were having fun! They were worshipping God.

All this I witnessed in a literal blink of an eye. You see, when I worship, I have to close my eyes; I have to concentrate. All that other stuff looks really fun, but if I did it, I would lose my focus. I wonder if they do. In all honesty, I’m not even sure I can do it.

I wonder if God ever looks down at me and says, “OY! That one again!” Nope, I’m pretty sure He loves that I want to focus on Him and only Him – which is not to say that those other people aren’t doing exactly that – it’s just not my way. I’m would be far too easily distracted to keep my eyes open when I worship.

I think there have been times when I thought He’d prefer it more if I danced around like David, or sang like Deborah, unfortunately, I’m more of the lip moving, tears streaming like Hannah. Hey, my way is fun too! REALLY!

I think He made each of us unique and what He loves about community worship is that He gets to experience Handmade uniqueness in hundreds of different ways all at once, or thousands depending on what church you attend.

It doesn’t matter what your style is, as long as you have one! And just because I’m nosy, what is your style?

My Bad!

I grew up in a confused generation. I was born in the last official year of “baby boomers” and hit my teens just after the “peace and love” era. I was too young to understand what “burning bras” really meant but old enough to wear “hot pants”. Stay at home moms were slowly a dying breed and equal pay for equal work were at the forefront of my early 20’s. The battle of the sexes was becoming a war. Phrases like “passive” “aggressive” and “assertive” were the psychology of the day when I hit my late 20’s – early 30’s.

The first decade and a half of my life, most women were passive; men were aggressive. The second and third, most of the women that were involved in my life had made a 180 degree turn and most of the men became “sensitive”. I didn’t know who to be or how to become whatever it was I was supposed to be. Did I mention that I grew up in a confused generation? At some point, it became apparent that there was a healthier place to be. I didn’t have to lie down and let someone kick me in the head, nor did I have to kick someone else in the head to make myself feel better. I learned the art of assertiveness – affirming, declaring and taking responsibility for my actions and behaviour and not feeling as if I had to apologize for what I believed or how I felt about things or to offer excuses to satisfy someone’s curiousity. Being assertive was just good common sense.

A few days ago, someone told me I was rude. I was asked a question and gave a polite answer but did not go into any detail. That didn’t seem to sit too well with the asker; I noticed this person starting to steep. I asked if everything was alright. Apparently, I had been expected to provide details concerning my answer – or at least a plausible excuse. When stating that I didn’t find it necessary the retort was, “My bad!” Just in case you don’t know the urban definition, “my bad” is a facetious apology.

I left it at that. It appears that, over time, being assertive has become a synonym for being rude. I must have missed the boat on that one. I guess when I hit my forties, I stopped keeping up with the latest trends. Have being straightforward and honest gone out of style? Is a spoonful of sugar necessary again? It seems that I’ve fallen behind the times. My bad!

Aspiring to Perfection

Approaching the final year in my forties seems to be having more of an impact on me than I thought it would. Looking back over the last four years, or so, I see that there has been a transformation from ashes to the better side of beauty on the inside yet I am all too aware that this transformation has not taken root as deeply as I had hoped. It appears that there is still an outward, self-centred focus that needs addressing.

A few days ago I happened across a show on the BBC called “Make Me Perfect.” A woman, perhaps in her early to mid-thirties was having multiple and significant surgeries done to change her appearance. I found myself making a mental list of what I might “have done” if money were no object. At the end of the broadcast, for the first time, she was able to look at herself in a full length mirror. The expression on her face was one of shock. Her transformation was so radical that she didn’t recognize herself – although she was pleased with the outcome. A psychologist had been working with her throughout the process due to her extremely low self-esteem. She revealed that while her self-worth remained a struggle, her outward appearance had given her a jump start to begin working on her issues.

Her final reaction and comments stuck with me for some time. She was truly a completely different looking person; even her own daughter was taken aback. I began to wonder: had she received an internal transformation first, would she have had to subject herself to all this work afterward?

I’m ashamed to admit that there are times when my outward appearance seems to take a front seat to who I am inside. I can’t help but notice that my face and body look about 25 years older than how I feel inside. I know my focus is wrong. I know I’m being caught up in things that are very important from a worldly perspective yet ...

While I don’t believe there is anything wrong in trying to look one’s best, this is not where I want my focus to be. When I concentrate on the transformation that has taken place inside me, I remain unrecognizable. That is significant in and of itself, more than I can begin to understand.

Acquaintances and friends have noticed this inward change not just in my behaviour and thought process but I have, several times, heard some say that I have a “glow” about me. No doubt, that is the glory of Christ. As the struggle between aging and aspiring to worldly perfection continues, I also know that it will fade. With every new wrinkle and gray hair comes a new level of understanding and knowledge. I welcome the day that I care much less about the outside than inside and await the day when I see, for myself, what true Perfection is and what it looks like.

Happily Ever After

I’m one of those people you wouldn’t enjoy watching a movie with for two reasons: 1) I have an obsessive need to know how it will end and 2) in order to enjoy it fully, it has to have a happy ending. If you’ve already seen the movie, I’ll bug you until you tell me what I need to know. If no one is around to tell me how a movie ends, I’ll either suffer through to the end and hope for the best, or I’ll stop watching it ¾ through, if it looks like things aren’t going to turn out well.

I’m equally as annoying when it comes to books. Well, actually, it’s worse with books. If I can become enthralled within the first few chapters of the book I will definitely jump to the end. Most people would lose interest in reading the middle portion when they know how it’s going to turn out. I am rarely disappointed.

What sparked my little confession? An unbelieving friend of mine sent me a book the other day, “The Year of Living Biblically,” by A.J. Jacobs. This past year, I decided that in order to fully absorb what I’m reading I need to read at a slower pace; no more of this reading a book in one or two days. I’ve been so caught up by the author’s, (a self-proclaimed Jewish agnostic), journey. I’ve been fascinated by his quest for the truth. For the last two days, chewing on the stubs of my fingers where nails once grew has been all I could do to keep myself from flipping to the back pages to find out if he crosses the spiritual line. On Monday night, at 10:24 pm, I was unsuccessful in restraining myself any further. I read the end. Don’t worry, I won’t tell you how it ends. You’ll have to read for yourself.

I recognized, after having read the last few pages, (not because of how it ended), this need of mine – the need for a happily-ever-after ending – does not only apply to books and movies. I realized in those few minutes of rumination that I avoid many things that stand a chance of not ending well, - like career choices, relationships, or love – mostly relationships and love. I’m not much of a risk taker. Any risks I take are carefully calculated. I wonder if perhaps there are times when taking a chance is just the wise thing to do?? I once heard that people should love as though there is no risk of getting hurt. I wonder if there’s a book about that. If there is – does it have a happy ending?

Are you a risk taker?

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Charlie Brown, try hard as he might, was always frustrated by his friend Lucy. She was a person whose relational abilities were adversarial in nature regardless of the situation. I’ve met my “Lucy.” Recently, someone has come into an area of my life that leaves me feeling like Charlie Brown always felt when Lucy was around: defeated, exasperated, impatient and sometimes, a little angry.

Charlie was always trying to understand people, to make allowances for them. I’ve found that, lately, I’ve been trying to do the same. Why is this Lucy of mine so defensive all the time? What’s with the constant interrupting? What’s with all the “talk to the hand” signs? Why can’t Lucy just listen once in a while? Why Lucy always be flapping her gums?

Just when you think you’ve mastered something, God will want to bring you to a higher level of understanding, for the simple reason that we will never completely master anything – not on this side of eternity. Just to keep me humble and growing, He places me in situations, with people who test and try me, to see if I’m willing to press on in His way.

“Serenity now, Lord!” is something I find myself repeating after every prolonged period of time in Lucy’s presence. Praying to change my heart and give me insight, perspective and understanding of why Lucy is the way she is has become something of a ritual. Will it ever come??

There are days when Christ-like character seems more and more unattainable. In my heart, soul and mind, I know that His characteristics should be ever increasing fruit being produced in me. In 2^nd Peter 1:5-8, Peter wrote, “make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I fully understand the whys, the consequences, and/or the rewards of Peter’s caution. What I cling to, during this time, is the “how to.” This I found in James 1:2-5, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, (or anything else), let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Like Tom Petty says, “the waiting is the hardest part.”

To Cross or Not to Cross

Decision: the result of weighing all factors to be considered; a final determination; a formal judgment.

Sounds simple enough. I can’t count all the times I’ve come to a ‘decision’ on a matter only to find it was no decision at all. I waver, unsure of whether I’ve made the correct conclusion so, in effect, I’ve not made the decision, I’m still deciding.

Surrendering to Christ, to lay my burdens at the foot of the cross in trust and faith, is something I do often. I see it as my crawling onto the altar as a sacrifice only to find myself crawling off minutes or hours later.

I’ve been thinking about the Israelites a lot lately. How difficult it must have been for them. When we read about it we can’t understand what the big decision was all about “Just cross!” It’s not as if they hadn’t witnessed 10 plagues to convince them of God’s power, right? But we weren’t there. We didn’t experience that moment.

I have compassion for them. I’m experiencing my Red Sea dilemma right now. I thought I decided to cross a few days ago, but it burdens my mind still. I look behind and see the Egyptians coming after me; the bondage and oppression still haunts my thoughts. The thought of going back is enough to darken whatever light keeps the flame in my spirit flickering. Then I turn and look ahead. Can he surely part that water and keep it parted until I’m all the way across? Yes, I remember the 10 plagues He’s brought me through. But, that was then. This is now. Does He really want me to cross? I know He does, I’m just afraid because I don’t know what’s on the other side. I do know this; He’s never lead me down the wrong path yet.

Being in God’s perfect will isn’t easy and it’s next to impossible to do if we are not in relationship with Him. I asked Him for a door to appear. He made it happen. I prayed for Him to open it. He did. So, I walked through it and I’ve been running back and forth ever since. I keep looking for signs, ignoring the ones I’ve already been shown. Old habits die hard. Yet, He changes not. He doesn’t get frustrated or impatient by my ways. He sees opportunities to bring me to yet another level of understanding.

A wise man once said to me, if you want to know if you’re in God’s will, open His word; His truth and perfect will are found therein. So, I did just that.

1 Peter 6-10 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

Lord I pray for myself, and all my brothers and sisters, who are asking whether they are to cross or not to cross, that you would reveal your perfect will. Open doors through which they should walk, part the seas that are blocking their passages. Close doors behind which the prowler is seeking to devour; close them and bolt them shut. Teach us how to let go, once for all time, and to let you. Amen.

What Do You See?

What do you see when you look in the mirror? If you had to describe yourself, what would you say? Would you begin with the negative? Would you start with your inner qualities first, or begin with the outward appearance? When you look at yourself, is your inward appearance reflected in the mirror? Do you think your friends and loved ones would have a similar description of you? To what do you attribute your observations?

Let me first start by explaining what inspired this particular post. I have a very beautiful friend. She has the most beautiful smile. Her eyes sparkle when she speaks. The first time I ever met her, (this never happens), she said hello and I instantly knew we would become great friends and we have. She is intelligent, giving, thoughtful, caring and so much more. Yesterday however, I learned that she doesn’t see herself the way I see her. She sees her inner qualities clearly, but her outer beauty she does not. Is she a ‘perfect 10’? No. Is anyone? My heart broke for her when she tearfully confessed her lack of confidence in this area.

I tried to be a friend to her and say the right thing and bolster her confidence. I don’t think I helped much. Hours later I found myself thinking about our conversation and feeling like a hypocrite.

I struggle with this topic. I struggle with my outward appearance, because I don’t think it resembles who I am inside. Much of what I ‘believe’ is based on what I was told or taught – negative. When I look into a mirror, (and believe me I avoid them), I see everything that’s wrong and I wonder, if I had never seen my own reflection and I met someone else who looked exactly like me would I find them attractive?

Don’t get me wrong, the point I’m trying to make isn’t that I long to be beautiful. I don’t place an immense amount of importance on outward looks. But if we are made in God’s likeness, if we are filled with Christ on the inside, why do most people still the see ‘ugly’ in their reflections? Does the enemy play tricks on our eyes? Wouldn’t you just, for one day, or even for one hour, like to see what you look like in Christ’s eyes? I think I could get by on that vision for the rest of my life, don’t you?

People rarely need any encouragement about their inward beauty, do they? While I’m completely aware that we should not be focusing on outward appearance, let’s face it, it does have some importance in our lives. Our style of dress matters to us. Hey, there are some styles you’d never see me in, did anyone say ‘spandex’!? Everyone wants to feel attractive to some degree. Everyone wants to believe it when someone compliments them. It’s not as much that there’s a desire for others to find us attractive. I think the point is that most of us would like the inside to match the outside, at least on some recognizable level.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?