Unveiling Hope

Blue Flower, Red Thorns

It was Shrek, the greatest animated ogre of the twenty-first century who said, “Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Oh, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t colour-blind!” I was always a sensitive child. It took years and years to learn how to hide my feelings – even then – it wasn’t easy and it didn’t work well. I had been taught that displays of emotion, especially those accompanied by tears, were a sign of weakness; weak people have no pride or self-respect – they let people walk all over them. I never understood what I was being taught, but like much of my time spent in school – I faked it pretty good – I fooled a lot of people. My proficiency in holding myself together increased, so I thought, but every now and then the dam would give way and I’d feel as if I was drowning in a flood of tears, swimming in failure. I cursed my sensitivity. I wished I couldn’t feel. I became angry with God for making me such a sap; I felt as if He was laughing at me, messing with my head. He made me weak! Just when you think you’ve got things all together – you’ve got your head on straight and tight … A friend and I were discussing the perpetual thorns that seem to poke at us as we do life – with others, with family, with God. What the thorn is doesn’t really matter – it’s the root of the matter that is significant. It seems as though that thorn always knows where to dig, jab, or stab, and when. This past year – OY – it’s hurt. As I compose this post, it occurs to me that I can’t remember having cried so many tears before. But I want to share something with you: this past year has also been the greatest year of my life because of and despite the hurt. Blue flower, red thorns. God has shown me that without the abundant portion of emotion He’s given me – He’s blessed me with – I wouldn’t need Him the way I do. I wouldn’t desire to be His favourite daughter, or His BFF, or a servant after His own heart. I wouldn’t hurt about what hurts Him. I wouldn’t feel compassion for those He loves. I wouldn’t be grateful for what I've been given, what I’ve been taken through, for how much and well I’ve been loved nor would I appreciate the cost of that love. None of that would make a difference if I couldn’t feel. I am learning to live life and to love life with that thorn. I am finally grasping the truth that the thorn doesn’t make the rose any less beautiful. I don’t want to go through life in black and white. I don’t want to be colour-blind anymore. I’ll be that flower – thorn and all – because I know I was fearfully and wonderfully made; I know that full well. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9.

Flying Solo

I’m a lover of nature – of God’s creation. It doesn’t take much to amaze me. I feel His presence most when I am appreciating the splendour of His work. He often speaks to me when I take the time to observe and ruminate, or meditate, on what He’s showing me.

A few weeks ago, while taking a walk, I heard a sound I had never heard before. When I looked up I saw a goose – one goose – flying very low and in the wrong direction. In Canada, when spring rolls around, we see geese – in flocks – flying home from their winter stay in the south. They honk from on high in unison; that sound is unmistakeable. On this particular day however I heard what one single goose sounds like. Had I not looked up, I would have never known it was a goose. It was the distance that made the difference. And why was he flying so low? Why was he alone and going in the wrong direction?

I wondered what I sound like to God when my voice is more distant than usual, when I’m calling to Him from the ground instead of meeting Him in the spirit? I wonder what He thinks when He sees me in my low times, moving about in the wrong direction, alone instead of in the flock He placed me in.

That goose was separated from his flock. Perhaps this was by choice. Maybe he thought he could wing it alone. There are times when I think the same way. I tend to distance myself from the flock because I’m naturally a loner. But too much time alone usually disorients me; I lose touch, my flight path changes and the next thing I know I’m having a long distance relationship with God.

The flock flies together; they look out for each other. They hold each other accountable and though they travel long distances – they don’t have a long distance relationship with their Creator. They soar when they are together and low when flying solo.

Are you flying solo? It's the distance that makes the difference.

“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” Ephesians 2:22 NIV.

Serenity Now!

I’m a perpetual student. I have a passion for learning. There’s just one little problem: I want to learn it all in one day. I want to learn and I want the understanding NOW!

I’ve been studying Hebrew since the end of March. I say studying instead of learning because just when I think I’m learning I realize that whatever I learned in my last lesson has somehow managed to leak out of my ears.

Admittedly, I’m a quitter by nature; if I don’t get something right away I usually give up.  BUT . . . what’s is more frustrating than that is that I am more stubborn than I am a quitter. Someone said it was great how I seem to be rising to the challenge. HAH! Do you know me at all! Any success I am having I attribute to the One who is granting me just enough serenity to get to the next lesson. Why just enough? Because it’s all I need.

People often think that once they give their hearts to God everything will be wonderful. All of life's little problems will cease to exist because we’re in relationship with Almighty God. It just doesn’t work that way.

Do I get frustrated? Yes, of course. Do I ask for serenity now? Yes, of course. But when I sit down to a lesson and He sits down beside me it goes so much better. It’s not merely the fact that my level of frustration decreases, it’s the fact that He’s interested because I’m interested. He’s as passionate about me learning Hebrew as I am. Being in a relationship doesn’t change the fact that life is life. Being in relationship simply means that while you’re doing life you’re doing it with Someone who is for you and not against you. I love that He is always there for me no matter what I’m doing. I love that He’s the first one I go to. I love that He loves being the One I go to, time and time again.

So, I get a little frustrated now and then. When all is said and done those are the moments from which I derive the most satisfaction and success. Those are the teaching moments for Him and the learning moments for me.

The Big Picture

When I look back upon my life and the mistakes I made – those that had tremendous impact on the future that was yet to be – I see clearly now that I had no peripheral vision. I thought I knew it all; I thought I could see the big picture.

I quit school and ran away from home when I was sixteen. My vision told me that whatever situations I would face in the future couldn’t possibly be as bad as what I was going through at that time. Wondering where you’re going to sleep at night or when your next meal will be are not questions that anyone – especially a young person – should have to entertain. There were secrets I was trained to keep – to hide. Reaching out for help was just not part of the equation.

I learned how to build walls; I learned how to avoid detection – flying under the radar so I wouldn’t be noticed. People who don’t get noticed don’t get hurt. I also learned how to take care of myself, how to survive. When I built those walls I did so to not only keep people out, but to keep God out. I couldn’t believe that a loving God would have allowed a child to have suffered and lived through some of the things I had.

They say that we soften with age. I turned 50 last week. Age does not soften people who live inside fortresses. Wisdom is what softens the heart and soul and it’s not the wisdom that comes with the experiences of life. True wisdom is imparted by the Spirit of God with which He also gives understanding.

Today, when I look back throughout those many years, I can honestly say that these were the years that prepared me for the future. Understand that those walls I built were constructed for protection. My lack of vision and understanding caused undue hardship. But God is so good: while I was building walls, He was installing doors all around my fortress, giving me an easy way out. I just couldn’t see the big picture. I wouldn’t allow myself to recognize that there were door knobs surrounding me.

When I finally came to the end of myself and realized that I was surviving but not living, it was then – through my tears and desperation – that I began to see that there was a way out of the prison I had locked myself into. People have asked me why wouldn’t God put the knobs on the outside and just come in and rescue me. The answer is so simple. God doesn’t bust through walls. He’s a gentleman; He waits for an invitation. He made a way out for me and I chose to remain inside.  

God saw the big picture. While I could only see what was directly under my nose – He saw what He would be able to do with me – with my life. God waited for me to want a way out; it was only then that I actually began to see all the door knobs He had placed there. Today I don’t merely survive; today I thrive.

“‘Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the LORD. ‘Do I not fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 23:24 ESV.

Putting Things into Perspective

My son and I sat down to dinner Sunday evening. He had a case of teenaged ‘tude – not unlike myself when I was his age. One minute all smiles and chuckles and the next – look out if someone breathes too loud.

I had picked him up about half an hour before supper. He had been singing and whistling. By the time we sat down to eat his disposition had changed. I asked him if he was cranky and he answered yes. I asked him if someone had said or done something to offend him between the time we arrived home and supper. “Nothing happened. I’m just crabby.”

A few minutes later I asked if there was anything I could do. He responded there was nothing I could do and “people have the right to be in bad moods for no reason once in a while.” Hmm.

Why would anyone want to be in a bad mad for no reason? I left him to his thoughts. As I cleaned up the dishes I placed my laptop in front of him. My friend had sent me a PowerPoint show of a couple of dozen photos she had recently taken when her house almost burned to the ground. She has eight children. He looked at the photos intently. He recognized one of the young children that he takes care of in the nursery on Sundays. I looked at my son and said, “Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?” He shook his head and smiled.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things,” Phil. 4:8 ESV.

Battery Low?

There are times I’ll be plugging away on my laptop and I’ll get a little balloon at the bottom of the page that says battery low – 7 minutes remaining. That’s annoying, especially if I’m on a roll. A simple solution would be for me to make an effort to bring my power cord to whatever room I’m working in and then I wouldn’t have to panic to beat the clock. My battery would recharge while I’m working.

Too bad life isn’t like that. Many of us live plugging into our pseudo-power cords for energy, but all that really seems to give us is a power surge and we all know what usually happens after a power surge – lights out. Grab an energy drink or an espresso and that’ll keep us in 5th gear – for a time. Reach for that Hershey bar and you get energy and taste all at once; that gives us a bit of a charge and a couple of hundred unwanted calories to store. Run a couple of miles on the treadmill perhaps mentally tackle some of those problems while working out the kinks in the old body. While all these things work, they only work for a time. It’s like plugging one end of the cord into your laptop and not plugging the other end into the outlet.

I have to admit, I’m not perfectly trained yet, but I find that the more I have to do the more necessary it becomes for me to stop plugging into the things of this world and start plugging into my greatest power source – The Power Source. Five, ten, or twenty minutes, being still and peaceful with God is more energizing than 2 espressos and it doesn’t give me the shakes or a caffeine headache. The busier I am, the more I come to realize that my Source will be my strength and power when I let Him charge me.

Battery low? Get plugged into God.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul,” Psalm 23: 1-3 NIV.

Temperature's Rising

My best praying and meditation is done in the privacy of a nice hot-water filled bathtub. For some reason, it seams to be the only place that I can feel completely relaxed and undistracted.

There’s only one thing about relaxing in the tub that offends my senses and that’s when the water gets cold. This past weekend I’ve been speaking to Jesus about my desire to take our relationship to the next level. I’m needy that way. I am never satisfied and always wanting more – more of Him. I don’t think I’ll ever have enough.

As certain as the water in the tub will get cold, every good relationship needs work to grow. When an individual is wanting more in a relationship, the best place to begin to look at where to start is from within. And so I did.

The longer you remain in the bathtub, the more frequent you need to add hot water, therein lies the issue: the tub can only hold so much water before it overflows. Our relationship has always been one of warmth and comfort, but as the water began to chill on Sunday and the newly added warm water was emptying into the overflow tube, He gave me a revelation.

My heart is much like the bath experience. Before coming to know Christ, my heart was like a big empty tub – a God-shaped hole – needing to be filled. As I came to know and love Him, my reservoir filled with warm water. We’ve been in relationship for five years now. It seemed as if the water was beginning to chill. I wasn’t staying in the “tub” as long as I had in the past.

Just when you think you’ve got it all together, He shows you differently. You see, He also wants to keep the relationship moving forward and growing. God showed me that like the water growing cold in my tub – there remained some unforgiveness in my heart. I hadn’t realize it was there. I thought we had worked that all out. Well, He worked most of it out – but only in layers that I was ready to handle. The cold water was a reflection of what was inside me.

A tub only hold so much. At some point you need to pull the plug and drain the cold to make room for the warm. This past weekend, I pulled the plug and made room for more – more of Him.

How’s the temperature in your tub?

Life Apps

 

Several people I know own iPhones . I think that’s great – if you’re technically inclined that is. I’m still trying to figure out how a picture is transmitted through a fax machine and comes out the other end whole again. I have a fear of technology. Oh sure, I use a laptop with various applications. I have a Blackberry, a DVD player and even an iPod . It’s my personal experience however that the more technology I have, the more confused and frustrated I get.

I’m a simple girl. I like paper. I have an electronic agenda, but I don’t trust it – I write everything down on my paper agenda just in case. I use the calculator and I always double or triple check to make sure I get the same answer every time. Yes, technology is wonderful.

I’ve been looking at the iPhone online lately – ah don’t ask me why and forget what I just said. You can purchase what I call Life Apps. Oh, some of them look super! They have apps for entertainment. They have directional apps (yup – apps for maps). They have educational apps such as dictionaries, and they even have apps that help you get yourself fed.

So, I was thinking about what a great tool this might be for me, (if I wasn’t so afraid of the “T” word), until it dawned on me – I already have one Life App that provides all those things and more. My Bible gives me direction, it feeds me, it even entertains me. It educates and encourages me. It provides wisdom and counsel. It gives me courage and strength. It’s my 9-1-1 direct line 24/7. There are always 5 bars going strong with no re-charging required.

Maybe for now I’ll just hold off on the iPhone  – but in case you’re wondering – if and when I ever buy one – my first Life App will the the Holy Bible!

“Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful,” Joshua 1:8.

Who Gets the Last Word?

Last week I had one of those days. You know … the kind of day where all the little things in life, that on their own are minor irritations or concerns, seem to join together and take on a life of their own. The kind of day when the enemy whispers little nasties in your ear incessantly – the kind of day where you just seem to be listening to everything he has to say – he gets the last word.

The Bible counsels us to take our thoughts captive. Sometimes however, by the time we notice our thoughts have become prisoners of war. Having the discernment to notice before is a gift. It’s a gift that lives within each of us and grows as we grow. An unawareness of that discernment does not mean there’s no escape. Nothing is impossible with God. The moment we become aware of the thoughts that are bringing or keeping us down THIS is the time we can take action. We no longer have to choose to be a prisoner; we can choose freedom. We don’t have to let the enemy have the last word.

God’s Word is immutable – an immovable anchor in every storm. God’s Word tells us who we are in Him; it tells us that He abides in us when we abide in Him – in His Word – His living Word.

If someone is going to have the last word in your life, don’t you think you should decide who get’s the last word?

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 ESV.

Set Apart

A few days ago, a well intentioned girlfriend told me she’d like to “set me up” with a friend of hers. She began to sing this individual’s praises. He sounded like a very nice person. I had to decline – this friend of hers is not a Christian. For a few seconds her face appeared to look as if I had not only insulted her, but her eligible bachelor friend. She wanted an explanation and I was happy to give it; she thought I was being a snob.

I’m not a religious person by any means. I don’t like religion. I do however love God and I trust in Him – I trust in His words – and I trust in His wisdom. I also have experience under my belt – the experience of previously being married to a self-proclaimed pagan. Now, in all fairness, I have to admit that at that time, I did not know Jesus – but I did believe in God.

In the Pentateuch, God gives instruction to His chosen children – the children of Israel – concerning who they were permitted to marry. He did not want them to intermarry because their surrounding neighbours worshipped idols and false gods. In His great and awesome wisdom, He knew that their hearts would be lead astray from worshipping Him and, in doing so, they would lose the blessings that He had in store for them. “You’re not an Israelite,” she said. “No, I’m not. But, I’ve been grafted in to the family tree.”

In all his wisdom, King Solomon disobeyed God in this respect. His heart was turned to the gods that his wives worshipped. It didn’t go well for him. His exemplification of this disobedience had an extremely negative impact on his son Rehoboam and also, in fact, all his subjects.

I told my friend that if God was preparing someone for me that I am sure he would be a man who loves God even more than I do. Why? Because he would be the head of my family and would be responsible to set an example of godliness.

“That doesn’t sound very fun,” she stated. I just smiled because I know in my heart that divorce isn’t much fun and neither are the consequences of unwise decisions. I was chosen and set apart for a purpose. If and/or when God decides that it’s time for me to be part of a couple, I have no doubt that His choice will be the best choice and it will go well for me.

“Oh that they had such a mind as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!” Deut. 5:29.