Unveiling Hope

DNA: Desire for Natural Alignment

A parent’s love is sought by a child even if that love is withheld; it’s innate. Too many are the children who – now as adults – still pursue that love with diligence and perseverance. Such was my case. I don’t share this in order to seek sympathy – no. I have found a better love. I have found an unconditional love.

I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn’t seeking to be loved. When it was withheld, I would instinctively look elsewhere and be disappointed. Even in the best loving relationship there has – at least for me – remained an incompleteness. My heart’s desire cannot be adequately expressed. In the depths of my heart and soul has always been a desire for completeness, like a seed planted in the soil waiting to be watered. The seed can remain planted for years, giving and receiving nothing. It’s dormant – having no knowledge that it can actually LIVE and produce fruit. The fact that it is asleep however, makes it no less a seed, its purpose remains.

As far back as my memory goes, I have always had this built-in longing - the desire to love and be loved by my Parent, my Father, the One whose DNA lives inside me calling me into alignment with Him. He desired me before I was; He created me with a desire for natural alignment with Him. I had been asleep for so long, living underground, until one day, the rain came down.

No longer do I feel the need to seek from others what can only be fulfilled in Him and by Him. That emptiness has been filled. I am whole. My only real desire is for Him, to seek Him always, and to live in Him as He lives in me.

“I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me,” Song of Solomon 7:10.

Damaged Goods?!

I had to return an electronic device the other day. The salesperson was unable to determine what the problem was. I had explained to him that I’m not technically inclined and that perhaps the problem was with me. “Damaged goods” he said. My eyes opened widely, my heart began to pound in my chest. For a brief moment, those words – while I knew were not intended to describe me – chilled me to my very core.

The drive home was quiet – no radio – just my thoughts. Those few moments in the store took me back to a time, less than six years ago, when I exchange my “life” for the Life of Christ who came to live in me. You see, before that exchange was made – my life for His – I had always thought of myself as damaged goods. In those first months after surrendering my heart to Him, I struggled with one recurring thought: why would He want me? I am damaged goods. I won’t try and pull the wool over your eyes, there are still times – however infrequent - when the enemy still tries to convince me that I was born damaged, I am damaged, and I will always be damaged. What does he know?!

God’s Truth tells me that I am not my circumstances – past, present, or future. My past sin does not define me; my future sin will not define me, nor do the sins committed against me define me. I am who I AM says I am.

God knew me before I was conceived. He knew everything I would do, think, say, feel … He knew that I would make many poor choices before choosing Him; He knew that there would be others who would make poor choices on my behalf. He knew my fears, my habits, my secrets. He knew I would reject Him. He knew I would reject those He loves. He knew that I would choose to please others before Him. BUT, He never focussed on anything other than His love for me. He loved me – He loves me - with an everlasting love. He let nothing stand in the way of His plans for me. His love and His promises are for all who choose Him regardless of the who, where, when, what, why and how.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart,” Jeremiah 1:5(a).

The Big Picture

When I look back upon my life and the mistakes I made – those that had tremendous impact on the future that was yet to be – I see clearly now that I had no peripheral vision. I thought I knew it all; I thought I could see the big picture.

I quit school and ran away from home when I was sixteen. My vision told me that whatever situations I would face in the future couldn’t possibly be as bad as what I was going through at that time. Wondering where you’re going to sleep at night or when your next meal will be are not questions that anyone – especially a young person – should have to entertain. There were secrets I was trained to keep – to hide. Reaching out for help was just not part of the equation.

I learned how to build walls; I learned how to avoid detection – flying under the radar so I wouldn’t be noticed. People who don’t get noticed don’t get hurt. I also learned how to take care of myself, how to survive. When I built those walls I did so to not only keep people out, but to keep God out. I couldn’t believe that a loving God would have allowed a child to have suffered and lived through some of the things I had.

They say that we soften with age. I turned 50 last week. Age does not soften people who live inside fortresses. Wisdom is what softens the heart and soul and it’s not the wisdom that comes with the experiences of life. True wisdom is imparted by the Spirit of God with which He also gives understanding.

Today, when I look back throughout those many years, I can honestly say that these were the years that prepared me for the future. Understand that those walls I built were constructed for protection. My lack of vision and understanding caused undue hardship. But God is so good: while I was building walls, He was installing doors all around my fortress, giving me an easy way out. I just couldn’t see the big picture. I wouldn’t allow myself to recognize that there were door knobs surrounding me.

When I finally came to the end of myself and realized that I was surviving but not living, it was then – through my tears and desperation – that I began to see that there was a way out of the prison I had locked myself into. People have asked me why wouldn’t God put the knobs on the outside and just come in and rescue me. The answer is so simple. God doesn’t bust through walls. He’s a gentleman; He waits for an invitation. He made a way out for me and I chose to remain inside.  

God saw the big picture. While I could only see what was directly under my nose – He saw what He would be able to do with me – with my life. God waited for me to want a way out; it was only then that I actually began to see all the door knobs He had placed there. Today I don’t merely survive; today I thrive.

“‘Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the LORD. ‘Do I not fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 23:24 ESV.

Where Was He Then?

When my first born son was in primary school I used to pack him a lunch every morning. I  included a napkin on which I would write, “I love you!” and I’d draw little hearts on it. I wanted him to know that even if we weren’t together, I was always there with him. All he had to do was seek me. Those memories are engrained in his mind and he often recalls them with great joy.

Only days ago, a woman was recounted some of her childhood memories to me. Like too many people, some of those memories were not as pleasant as the one my son has stored away. After sharing her memories she asked, “Where was He then? What kind of god would allow these things to happen to a child?”

I don’t have those answers. I don’t think anyone of us does. I also think that to try and answer for Someone else is presumptuous and dangerous. All I could do was draw upon my own experiences of having asked those very same questions. The key to finding answers is asking them of the Right One.

In my case, over time, I had learn to trust and give the power of those memories to Him. Today, I can say with all assurance, that He was there. In seeking and finding God, His power reigned. The memories will never leave. The last thing we want to do is negate or diminish someone’s experiences and paint over them as if they never existed; choice is involved. Someone who is pushed off a precipice by a loved one will never forget that experience, but will they chose to remember the details surrounding who pushed them, why, and what more could have happened, or will they chose to remember that His mighty hand caught them and broke their fall?

The last thing I can comfortably say to a hurting soul is that God will not waste their pain, but that is something they need to find out in an intimate relationship with Him; that’s when those questions are answered. So what does a person respond to that question? All we can do is show His love, mercy and compassion until they are ready to receive it directly from the source. That is why we’re here.

Christ came as the expression of His Father’s love and when He returned to be with Him, He left that honourable task with us.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart,” Jer. 29:13 ESV.

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

What breaks my heart most is people with broken hearts. This should come as no surprise to me. About 2 years ago I asked God to wreck me for what wrecks Him. God answers prayers. Watch what you pray for. God’s heart is ripped open when His children are hurting. When He hurts I hurt. When others hurt I hurt.

Quite recently an older woman I’ve come to know revealed some information about herself that just about ripped the heart right out of my chest. This woman told me that she stays up most of the night in fear. She’s not afraid of the night. She’s afraid of being alone. She’s afraid of being in need. She’s afraid that something dreadful will happen to her and there will be no one to care for her. She’s lonely. This woman is a believer. It crushes me to the core that I didn’t know how she felt before now.

When a person is aging, living alone, has no family and their health is not the best – a fellow believer cannot merely exhort them to trust in Jesus for provision. Jesus never meant for people to go it alone. The Bible is replete with God’s admonishment to His people who forsook widows, orphans and the poor; this list was is not exhaustive.

So, how do you mend a broken heart? A broken heart can only be mended by the binding properties of  love – not the words of love but the action of love – the true indicator of love is when it expressed as a verb. Is there someone you know whose heart is broken?

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony,”  Colossians 3:12-14.

Down for the Count

When Rocky Balboa came out of retirement for one last fight his son gave his all to discourage him. In a poignant moment Rocky says the following words to his son Robert, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!”

It seems that these days one doesn’t have to look very far to witness the larger than life testimony of those who have been going to the mats with death, disease, financial disasters, broken marriages, violence in the home, and too much more to mention.

We look upon them in amazement, bloodied and weary, as they reach and grab onto the ropes of faith to pull themselves up. In those very moments when everyone around presumes the fighter to be down for the count they face their enemy square on – willing to take one more hit – because their strength comes from a place that few of us understand. They are the true winners. They are the prize fighters. They can take the hits and keep moving forward. There is nothing cowardly in them – they know that’s what’s in them is greater than what’s coming at them.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body,” 2nd Corinthians 4:7-11.

Vision Takes Root

My friend Gail and I had lunch together yesterday. We spoke about our dreams and visions for the future. I have a vision for my future and of my future – literally. I’ve had it for some time. I can actually envision myself sitting at my desk in my studio (which I don’t yet have) overlooking a breathtaking view, (ditto), much like the one in this photo (which I did not take).

I see myself, day in and day out, looking out my window for God’s inspiration in my surroundings as I write and write and write. I see it as if it’s already occurred. And when I see it, I don’t have this oh, if only feeling about it. I’ve got this “start decorating” sense about it. It’s going to happen. It already has in my mind and that is where vision takes root.

While I was sharing my vision with Gail, this overwhelming impression of something came upon me. I had a flashback to 5 years ago. Five short years ago, my greatest “vision” was to survive until the next day. Tomorrow became today and, before I knew it, I couldn’t tell one day apart from the next. My life was like the first half hour of the movie Ground Hog Day. There was no vision. There was no hope . . . until Him. He changed everything. He became my Hope. He is the soil in which my vision is firmly rooted.

If you are reading this today and you have a vision I encourage you to share it with someone. People need to hear that others have hopes for the future. Sometimes you hope is enough for someone else to cling to until they have their own. Please, don’t wait another day.

If you are reading this today, just trying to survive until tomorrow and you’re pretty certain that before you know it you won’t be able to tell one day apart from another, find someone – anyone – who has hope. You already know who they are. Anyone who has Hope wants nothing more than to share it with you. Please, don’t wait another day.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life,” Prov. 13:12.

Vicious!

Our lifegroup has been meeting every few weeks, during the summer break, to maintain our fellowship, one which we worked very diligently at forming. Two weeks ago we met for dinner. Over the course of various conversations one theme was prominent. Each of us had concerns for our children and families, concerns about their health, their emotional growth, their education, their relationships, but most significantly – their spiritual development. Most of us have at least one unsaved child or family member. Some of them are currently backsliding.

We decided, having discussed options that have been tried and tried again, there was only one solution. We committed ourselves as individuals and as a group that our battle was not one to be fought in the natural but in the supernatural realm, hence the birth of the Mothers of Zion.

This Friday past, we came together as one. We began our time together in praise, followed by thanksgiving, naming special qualities of each child being prayed, for and then ...

We marched toward the front line on the battlefield and faced the enemy. We stood on the promises of God, clothed in His armour, and used the greatest three weapons in our arsenal: God’s Word, our mouths, and our righteous indignation.

One of the mothers present described our battle as vicious. Yes ... vicious. I’ve never heard that word applied to prayer, so I looked it up. Merriam Webster’s on-line Dictionary defines vicious as: dangerously aggressive; fierce. Fierce is defined as being marked by unrestrained zeal or vehemence. We were warriors. Standing behind our Commander in Chief, we broke down strongholds and took back what was ours to begin with. The fruit is growing as I write. In His mind, it’s already done.

When we pray for our children, families, loved ones, the unsaved, this is how we fight – no holds barred. These are lives, precious in the eyes of God, so precious – in fact – that He gave His only Son for them. Why would we fight as if we’re punching at the wind? Yes, we were vicious. We were fierce.  And we’re not about to stop because we know we’re on the side that wins.

“Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight,” 2 Sam. 10:12.

Feeling Sluggish?

I was sitting on the back stoop with my dog yesterday when suddenly I saw a pill bug, (where I come from we call them slugs), making his way across the patio. My dog Buddy doesn’t much care for bugs and critters on his turf so he followed the slug around for a minute or so, just watching.

Suddenly Buddy decided to dive his snout in for a closer inspection. He snorted at the slug who immediately rolled up into a ball. He must have sensed danger looming. As long as Buddy stood over him, breathing doggie breath on him, he did not move. Seconds later, Buddy backed off a bit and laid down on the patio. After a decent amount of time, Mr. Slug decided to motor on his merry way but there was a little problem, when he unrolled himself he ended up on his back. Frantically, he began struggling to flip himself over to no avail. Buddy noticed but hey, this was a slug not a cat – why waste the effort. The slug didn’t get that memo.

Mr. Slug must have worn those little legs out trying to roll over and then, after a couple of minutes, he stopped. He just stretched out on his back and rested. I’m sure he rested an amount of time equal to that of his struggle. Then finally, he flipped himself over and went on his merry little way.

It occurred to me, how often – when I face a giant, when I face danger, when I face pressure – I curl up into a ball? How much time do I spend on my back, frenetically tried to get on my feet on my own steam? It’s not as if I don’t know any better. How many times has God looked down from Heaven, smiled at Jesus, and said, “She’s doing it again.” How he longs to step in and help except I’m too busy flailing about. But when I’m spent, when I have no fight left in me, I lay there. It is through my natural need for rest that I realize had I just rested supernaturally in the first place, I wouldn’t have wasted so much energy.

Have you been feeling a little sluggish lately?

“So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,” Isaiah 41:10.

When God Gave the Nod

Timing is everything. Batters don’t bunt on a whim. Catchers don’t signal a curve ball on impulse, and runners don’t steal home plate capriciously. Everyone waits for the nod. The important thing to understand is who is responsible for giving the nod. If the pitcher looks to the outfielder to give the nod for the knuckle ball he’ll be standing on the unemployment line before you can say Rocket Roger Clemens.

Just about everyone knows the story about Noah and the Ark. If you ask someone how long Noah, his family and his friends, were in the ark many people will respond saying forty days and forty nights. Well, that just ain’t so.

In fact, the occupants of the ark remained inside for about 370 days, (following a lunar calendar). Genesis 8 tells us that at month 10, the tips of the mountains were visible as the waters began to recede. The dove flew away, came back, and flew away again. On the first day of the first month the waters were dried up from the earth and Noah removed the covering of the ark.

I imagine everyone including the animals were pretty anxious to disembark. Even a family that enjoys their time together needs a time apart every once in a while. As for me – I would have lead the stampede towards the poop deck the minute the roof came off. But Noah? No sirree, Bob. Noah stayed put. Noah’s family stayed put. And Noah’s guests stayed put – for 8 more weeks!

No one left the ark until Noah got the Nod from God. When they finally did disembark they did so in an orderly fashion. So, what was the result? God blessed Noah and his sons,” Gen. 9:1.

You see Noah could have easily let everyone get out as soon as he noticed dry land around him. It’s what I would have likely done. It seems obvious. Why would God care? He saved me from the flood. He obviously doesn’t want me to stay in here for the rest of my life otherwise He wouldn’t have bothered to dry the ground. God might actually begin to think I’m stupid if I don’t leave the ark - and if He doesn’t - there’s about a thousand other living creatures – including my kids – who already think I’m crazy!

But Noah waited. It all made sense to him. God’s perfect timing told him when to start construction on the ark. God’s perfect timing told him when to embark and Noah had remained obedient to the very end. He wasn’t about to make a move without being absolutely sure it was part of God’s plan and he was simply THAT confident that it was part of His plan in His perfect timing. So, he waited. That perfect timing came when God gave the nod.

Have you been trying to steal home without the nod?