Unveiling Hope

Being or Doing

I've always been performance based; it's all I've really ever understood. Doing my best and aiming at always trying to outdo myself has helped me achieve a lot, but nothing that's ever been of any real value to me or those I love; in fact, sometimes my performance has been costly to me and to those I love. Rather than make me a better person, being performance based has really only served to make me a little crazy and difficult to please. If you really think about it, which I suppose in hind sight I never really have until recently, how can a person do their best and then outdo themselves? Is this possible? Why would anyone even try? 

About 16 weeks ago I began preparing to participate in The Army Run, (a 5k). The first time I ran, I think I managed to get about 2 blocks away from my house before almost collapsing. As the days and weeks passed, I found myself noticing trees and flowers, smelling the bloom of nature and appreciating this time alone. I began speaking to God and I have to say, I learned to do some of my best listening during these little jaunts. About a month ago, I had finally made it to a little over 4k. I was really pushing myself and had come to realize that I had begun running for one reason and over time it just became a great way to spend time alone with Him and focus on nothing but Him; a secondary benefit to me was that I was getting in shape while all this was happening. But on this one day in particular, I kept praying, "Oh, Lord, just let me finish this last leg. I don't need to win the prize but I need to finish. Help me, Lord." I clearly heard Him answer: "You build up your physical stamina and I'll build up your spiritual stamina." 

I was reading the book of Nehemiah this morning before going out for my last run before the official run on Sunday morning. The builders Nehemiah had recruited to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem ran out of steam because they were in performance mode. Nehemiah got them all pumped up to rebuild the wall and then, when things began to go off course, the didn't know what to do and became fearful. Rather than pray or encourage one another, they gave up and stopped. 

What they had begun doing, in rebuilding the wall, was honouring God, but it wasn't the "what" that was honouring Him - it was the "why". I think this summer-long lesson of mine has finally been learned. Many of us often try and "do" our best rather than "be" our best. When we consume ourselves with turning toward Him, to seek Him with all of our hearts, and to do as He commanded, we learn to BE the best we can be - what we DO becomes our best naturally because His favour falls upon us as it did when Nehemiah and his brothers turned toward Him. They approached Him with their hearts and He upheld and blessed what they doing. 

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." 1 Cor. 9:24-25.

 

The Master Gardener

There’s a beautiful tree that has provided me with an incredible amount of pleasure over the last few years. It stands outside my home office window. My desk is directly beneath that window. 

This tree has withstood the trauma of recent 100 km/hr winds; it has beared up under the burden of incredible amounts of snow gathered in its boughs, has been home to various little creatures and has brought me much inspiration over the years.

This morning while sitting at my desk, I heard what sounded like a chain saw. I stood up and looked out my window to see a gardener with a truckload of equipment; his gaze was firmly cast upon this tree. Poor tree had no clue what was coming.

A professional horticulturalist doesn't hack away at a tree or plant just anywhere and he doesn't do it simply for esthetic reasons. Pruning is required to trim away deadwood, remove disease and tissues that inhibit healthy growth, and to control and direct growth by giving it shape. 

Pruning is something that is part of life whether it is done by a gardener, by nature and the elements or by God Himself . It is, generally speaking, not a pleasant experience and the immediate after effects can leave the prunee looking and feeling rather stripped down and exposed.

The last few weeks have left me feeling rather stripped and exposed. Sometimes we go through life and stuff just starts to attach itself to us - once it does, the potential for growth is there. Everyone knows that a rotten tree doesn’t grow good fruit and who wants or needs rotten fruit? This time of pruning hasn’t been easy. I’ve been completely present and awake for this spiritual surgery. The things revealed to me haven’t been a complete surprise - let’s face it, when there’s a huge bump protruding from your noggin - you know it and the same goes for spiritual bumps. And so it seems that, at least for now, like my beloved tree, the Master Gardener has finished pruning me for this season. And again, like my tree, I am feeling somewhat worse for the wear. The wonderful thing is that I know in a few weeks or months from now, like that tree, I will be stronger than ever and more fruitful ... and isn’t that the whole point?

 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” John 1:1-4.

 

The Battle is Won

If a person’s ears are tuned to hear the voice of God they will hear the sound of the trumpets warning of a battle to come. This is the time to seek His counsel as King David often did, “Should I go up against them? Will you give them into my hands?” David sought God’s counsel before making any moves knowing full well that his enquiries would be answered.

Some of us are not so adept at hearing God’s voice; we’re still practicing, still unsure, or perhaps we are slowly moving into a place where we are learning to trust Him enough to seek His wisdom, counsel and protection.

Too many people believe that every battle is of the enemy; this is not the case. God will send us into battle from time to time, but rest assured that when He does He had ordained us for victory. He is for us and not against us. God will never send you into a battle that you have no chance of winning. He is the Commander in Chief and it is for this reason that at the sound of the trumpet – or when we find ourselves at the centre of the battlefield – we must seek Him and not move, nor be paralyzed by fear, until we are sure we have heard His answer.

Can you hear the trumpet sound? Can you hear His voice? Do you trust that He is for you and not against you? Remember this: if God sends you into battle the battle is won.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:3.

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Anger Steams - Forgiveness Seams

The definition of “trust” is to have complete confidence, or faith, in someone – complete confidence. Betrayal is deception that causes someone to believe an untruth. White lies, omissions – let’s face it – a lie is a lie regardless of its colour or costume.

I’ve heard tell that trust is something that must be earned; I don’t think that’s always the case and, for me to put that in writing, is astounding. Trusting, like loving and giving, is a choice. I have always thought of myself as an individual who has great difficulty trusting people.

In thoughtful retrospect, I’ve come to realize that I’ve never had trouble trusting people from the onset. My apprehension and anxiety comes from learning, or trying, to trust someone after they’ve betrayed me. The greatest challenge comes in those relationships where my heart has made a significant investment. Trust is broken and from the initial betrayal anger steams. The root of that anger however is always pain and, greater yet, the fear that it will recur. Fear is a root that flourishes whenever it’s planted.

Jesus said that if someone sins against us, that includes betrayal, we are to forgive seventy times seven – or in other words – always and completely. This is where I need His help. As a follower of Christ I often get confused between restoration and reconciliation; they don’t necessarily go hand in hand, but when the one who has betrayed you is someone you love deeply whom you know, in your heart, did not intend to hurt you that presents a true challenge. This too I have given much thought.

The solution is clear once the steam blows away. Putting complete confidence, or faith, in another human being is placing a responsibility on one’s shoulders that they were never meant to bear. An expectation that no one will ever breach your trust makes no sense whatsoever – it’s inhumane to expect perfection from the imperfect. It’s a sin against God to place our complete faith in anyone but Him. And so, I bear some responsibility in my own sorrow.

Anger steams - forgiveness seams.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” Ephesians 4:31-32.

A Psalm of Hope

How I love you, O Lord!

How many and glorious are your miracles. 

You do not forget my petitions but fulfill my supplications because I wait upon and trust Thee.

You are my Provider and my Rock, the Horn of my Salvation.

There is none other like you, Lord, in all of Heaven and Earth.

You are exalted above everything.

Your Majesty is the Light of the world; Truth and Justice are your crown.

You are mighty in power - a Defender of the weak, a Father to the homeless, a Husband to the widowed and abandoned. 

You, Lord, are goodness everlasting.

Your praises burst forth from my heart;

songs of worship caress my lips.

For You and You alone does my heart beat O Great and Awesome God, my Sovereign King.

My oath of allegiance I swear only to you, for it is in You I live and breathe.

Glory to You who sanctifies all who call upon Ha Shem! 

Let Your Name be exalted forever in all the nations.

Let them bring before You all worship and praise. 

Let them call on You in their time of need and be certain that it has been done.

Storms

Every life is upset by a storm now and then. We all have different ways of weathering them.

There’s a bible story of Jesus sleeping in a boat during a treacherous storm whilst His disciples panic over the danger they find themselves in. They waste little time in waking Him in order for Him to save them before they perish. These are the same guys who had seen all the miracles had He performed, the same men who had confessed Him to be the Son of God – yet, they still panicked. I’m glad for that story because I seem to spend a ridiculous amount of time chastising myself every time a storm in my life rocks my boat so, I figure I’m in good company. Surely they asked themselves the same questions I ask myself: don’t I know what He is capable of? Haven’t I had enough proof? How many times will He need to save me from peril before I get it?

The thing is – I want more than that. I don’t want to weather the storms, ride the waves, or be the survivor of a supernatural search and rescue. Neither do I want to be heroic and face the eye of the storm – I’ve had plenty of adventure in my life thank you very much.

This is my desire for the next storm: I want to cuddle up with Jesus under that tarp – no life jacket – just Him. I want to close my eyes and smell the rain. I want to feel His warm arms around me as the wind tries to pick me up and carry me off. That’s right. I want to sleep through the next storm not as a way of avoiding it, as a means of dealing with it!  My plan is to see the next storm as a calm reflection on the sea, like a mirror of light dancing across a few ripples. Can I do it on my own? Of course not, but with Him … anything is possible if one believes.

My Secret Pain Exposed on Oprah?!

I believe that everything happens for a reason and in God’s perfect time no matter how wonderful or devastating it might be. Just this morning I felt that obsessive urge to start looking up various genealogy sites, graves markers, and hospital records - as I have done for an unfathomable number of hours in the past - in the quest to find out who I am. Merely touching an old photograph can set me off; each time an entire weekend is wasted believing that this time I will stumble upon what will change my life and don’t, I promise myself I will never again pursue the quest again.  Imagine my surprise today when I saw parts of my life story being narrated by Lady O herself only hours later.

Oprah introduced the world to her half-sister Patricia today. Patricia’s story was one that resembled a story of my own. She so aptly described the shame of walking around feeling incomplete and abandoned. It’s something I rarely talk about because, as a believer I feel an additional burden of shame because I convinced myself that as a believer – with the Spirit of the Most High God Almighty living inside me – I must be grieving Him each time I admit to feeling incomplete? Yet, the ignorance to one of life’s most basic questions, “who am I” plagues me far more than I ever imagined.

“I know those feelings.” I thought to myself as I listened to Patricia speak about wanting to feel complete – about wanting to leave a family legacy to her children – a connection to someone else on the planet. She spoke with a firmness of attitude when describing, so aptly, her faith that God would – one way or another – answer her prayers and fill that void in her life.

It sounds so cliché to say you had a “aha moment” watching the Oprah Winfrey show, but I did. I believe that every person on this planet who doesn’t know God has a hole – an incompleteness about them. Some call this the God-shaped hole. In my errant thinking I believed that if I really knew and loved God that should be sufficient and He should fill that hole completely – no questions asked. What I learned today was this: it is possible to have more than one hole in your heart. Only God can fill His place – and does, but when we trust Him with the other holes He fills them in His perfect timing. 

I Heard You

I heard you last night. Through all those tears and all the words you choked on – I heard you – I heard your heart. My desire has been to hear your heart for as long as I can remember.

Oh, I know you’ve spoken to me many a time. I don’t discount any of what you’ve shared, not ever. I realize you’ve shared before, you’ve confessed many things to me. You’ve cried, you've told me your dreams and yes, you’ve even told me what frightens you. But last night was different – you know it was too.

Last night you brought tears to my eyes. Somewhere between your disappointment, your fear, and the dreams you’re afraid to dream was your heart – stripped bare and surrendered to me for the first time ever. You spoke to me and then you waited for me to answer and you listened. You really listened! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to tell you how very much I love you?

You said that you’ve never been able to go to “that place” with me for fear that you’d experience so much emotion that you’d explode, lose control, even die a little inside.

But you went there anyway and you went there with me; you went there for me. You let me in to that place in your heart where only I could fit –  a place where the only one ever meant to fit was me. Last night you gave me your heart and I promise I will not break it. You went to the place where I’ve already been for you.

I can’t promise that life will always be fun and filled with laughs, but it sure will be different. No matter what you go through, from now on, whether good or bad – we’ll always be there together. I can’t promise that you’ll never experience pain again, or that everything you don’t like about your life will be instantaneously changed for the better, but I can promise this: you’ll be transformed – from the inside to the outside. I’ll give you a kind of peace that surpasses any experience you may encounter. I promise that if you follow me, I will always be at your side – always and forever. I heard you.

 

Arise

 Have you ever had one of those rests where you know you rested well, but you want to stay in hibernation? 

I took a break from blogging, any many other things last November, because I really felt that I was being called to do some intimate relationship building which, in my case, required a significant amount of time, and my complete focus. 

I have lived wrapped in the shadow of His wings for the last six months and I can’t think of any place better to exist. I didn’t stop taking care of my family and I didn’t stop working. Though I was, for a period, in hibernation – I was never is isolation. We were made to be in communion – first with Him and then with others.

He has taught me how to be in intimate relationship with Him every moment of every day no matter where I am or what I am doing. This had been something I had been crying out to Him about for a long time. Imagine calling a significant other, a parent, or a good friend and saying “I need you! I want to spend time with you! I feel unloved and ignored! Please help me! Please spend some quality time with me!” Now, imagine if they respond positively to your request – they are thrilled that you’ve called on them – but every time they invite you, you’re already busy… Who suffers?

Someone recently commented, “I wish I had the time to be intimate with Him for six months.” Ah, hold on a minute, friend. You do. When we “live” in the world, it seems that the greatest complaint many believers have is a lack of time to devote to being with the One who made them, the One who made their time. How easy it is to forget that we were made to worship Him. We were made to bring Him glory. We were made by Him and for Him; how can we not make time to be in an intimate with Him? He made our time, but we are given the choice as to how we will use it. My relationship began to suffer when I found myself trying to “fit” Him into my schedule. I invested time in my relationship (what I felt lead to give) and He’s been blessing me with dividends on my investment ever since.

During these last months, I feel as if I have fallen in love with my Lord. Suddenly, all the things I used to cut short to squeeze Him in seem insignificant in light of our rekindled love. I still have time to do all that needs getting done and if something doesn’t get done, then I have no doubt that it never needed doing in the first place.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matt. 6:33 ESV.